


Finding The Way Back To You

by theraisingirls_sis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gamer Kozume Kenma, Getting Back Together, I think it qualifies as slow burn, Kozume Kenma Protection Squad, Kozume Kenma is So Done, Kuroo Tetsurou is Bad at Feelings, M/M, Minor Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, POV Kozume Kenma, POV Kuroo Tetsurou, POV Tanaka Ryuunosuke, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Tanaka Ryuunosuke is a Good Friend, breaking up, streamer kodzuken, swearing is caring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:49:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 37,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28862082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theraisingirls_sis/pseuds/theraisingirls_sis
Summary: He didn't know exactly what happened; all he knew was that he had been hurt. The pain from that didn't seem to want to leave, so in order to move forward he had cut his ties with the guy that had been his best friend and love of his life. It had been hard. Kenma felt like one of his limbs had been brutally torn from his body. So, it was only normal that he still felt that phantom pain lingering every now and then. It might have been a year later, he might have been over it... maybe. But that still didn't allow him to open the door and let Kuroo waltz right back in, did it?A year later, he finds himself questioning if it really was a good idea to cut Kuroo out for so long. Will they be given another chance like Kenma gets in his video games, or are they both far too broken to move forward?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	1. Annoying Wake Ups

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally suppose to be a part two for the "Realizing He was My Person" fic. In a way it is, but it can be read stand alone. The writing is totally different in this fic than it was in the other one. I think it is actually better, and it kind of makes me want to just delete the other fic entirely. I think with this I am going to post a chapter weekly, hopefully if life allows, as I write it.
> 
> Kenma woke with a gasp. He rose up out of the bed, glancing around, taking in his surroundings. “It was just a dream.” He scoffed at himself. It has been a year since all that shit happened, yet it still seems to haunt his dreams.

Kenma stood there frozen, breath seemingly caught in his throat, as he watched the scene play out before him. He was a safe distance away, but that didn’t save him from the feeling that was sitting heavy in his chest. His legs felt weak, head clouded in a haze. He looked on as the sickening feeling washed over him in waves, getting worse with every passing second. He tried to flee, to get away and tear his eyes from the sight, but his legs just wouldn’t cooperate. Instead, he found himself analyzing the two people, wondering if it was a guy or a girl. Kenma couldn’t really make the person out completely, but could see they had short hair. The only face he could see clearly was his boyfriends. The gears in Kenma’s mind started turning, creating question after question. Who the hell was this person? Where did they come from? How did his boyfriend know them? Why in the fuck did they have his boyfriend backed into the wall, leaning in his space? The last question that Kenma asked himself was by far the hardest. Just why had this person kissed Kuroo? No, that wasn’t the hardest, he told himself, no. Why had Kuroo been kissing them back?

His legs started carrying him as he backed away, still staring ahead in shock. He turned slowly, trying to think clearly enough to get the hell out of there and somewhere private enough to let the tears fall freely. Kenma shoved his hands in his hair, shaking his head. “What the fuck just happened?”, he spoke to himself, knowing the answer to the question already. Kuroo had cheated on him. The details didn’t really matter after seeing everything play out directly in front of him. All Kenma knew was he had never felt anything like this. Honestly, he thought he might be sick. Why had this happened? Everything had been fine. 

Kenma made his way back to the apartment he shared with Kuroo,  Bokuto and Akaashi. He hoped the latter of the two were out. He really just wanted to grab a few things and leave. He pushed his key in the door, feeling a tear, or two, slide down his cheeks. “Fuck you, Kuroo.”, he cursed, lowly into the dark, as he pushed the door open. He glanced around the empty space, letting the quiet wash over him. He sighed with relief and let the tears fall. Kenma grabbed a bag, shoving all of his clothes into it. Then he went to retrieve his PSP and his Nintendo Switch, knowing he could come back for the rest later when he got in touch with Akaashi. He looked around the room he had shared for a summer and the start of University. How had this happened? Kenma pulled his phone out, dialing the number of a friend he had ran into when he had got to the University a few months back. He got the okay to a place to stay, then hung up. He glanced around one more time, shaking his head. “Yeah, fuck you, Kuroo.” He pushed his hand through his hair, and walked out the front door.

Kenma woke with a gasp. He rose up out of the bed, glancing around, taking in his surroundings. “It was just a dream.” He scoffed at himself. It has been a year since all that shit happened, yet it still seems to haunt his dreams. Lying back down, he looked up at the ceiling, wondering why he hasn’t been able to get over it. He had got over it; or at least that was what he told himself. Well, to be fair, he had mostly got over it and let it go, just not completely. It had been excruciatingly hard the first six months following the breakup. Kenma had to cut Kuroo out of his life just to bare the pain of what had happened. He hadn’t just lost his boyfriend. No, Kuroo had always been so much more than that. He was Kenma’s first true friend, first love, first everything. Losing Kuroo had been more than just hard. Kenma felt like a limb had been ripped brutally from his body. It only made since that there was still a phantom pain that lingered. He doubted it had been easy for Kuroo either, but didn’t exactly care, really. Kenma hadn’t even been able to bare an explanation from Kuroo. All he really knew was Kuroo had kissed another person. For once, details didn’t matter to Kenma; all that had mattered was the person wasn’t him. It had been a complete betrayal. Kenma didn’t know if the kiss had led to more, or just stopped there. He told himself he didn’t need to know; he didn’t want to know, really. Not knowing made the pain more bearable, but it left him wondering all the same. He hoped it had only been a kiss, so that maybe he could one day let it go and forgive Kuroo. That day had yet to come. Kenma wondered if it ever would.

Kenma rolled over and reached for his phone beside his bed. The time read eight o'clock in the morning. Rolling his eyes, he mentally cursed his brain from making him relive something so annoying that it disturbed his sleep. He didn’t have a class until later, and it was Friday so that meant he had a full weekend for streaming on his YouTube channel. That was sure to help bury such an unwelcome dream from reoccurring. Something about streaming always seemed to block out the rest of the world for Kenma. It was a literal escape, one he welcomed in earnest. “Yeah,” he thought to himself, “a weekend of streaming was just what he needed to push the unwelcome thoughts and dream to the deep recesses of his mind.” Afterall, that was the best place for those types of annoying feelings, a dark corner, buried and forgotten.

Throwing the covers to the side, Kenma decided to get up. He smelt food and was hopeful his roommate had cooked breakfast. He strolled down hall, mentally preparing himself for the loud man, silently hoping his girlfriend would be here and have him on a much softer volume. Kenma entered the kitchen, stopping midway to curse his bad luck. “Fucking hell.”, he murmured quietly. He thought about retreating back to his room when he noticed his roommate was in fact alone, but the loud shout alerted him that he had already been spotted. “ Yo , Kenma! Get your ass in here and eat. I made  ya some kick ass breakfast. I can’t believe you are even up right now. Guess the smells of my home cooking drug your ass right out of bed, huh?” Kenma sighed. “That must have been it, Ryuu. I do enjoy your omelets, though. So,  gimme !” Kenma reached out for the plate, making grabby hands at it. Ryuu smiled, chuckling with one hand on his hip, “Here  ya go, little buddy!” he said while handing Kenma his plate. They both made their way to sit around the table in the living room. 

Kenma ate slowly, savoring every bite. Ryuunosuke Tanaka was a loud, hot headed guy. He pissed Kenma off on more than a few occasions, but he was damn good roommate and friend. He had always had Kenma’s back after he had decided he would befriend the “city boy” upon running into Kenma a year ago. Truthfully, Ryuu hadn’t given Kenma a choice on their friendship. He was always popping up out of the blue, forcing Kenma out of his shell little by little. Once telling him it was Kenma’s duty as a senpai to be his friend, knowing Kenma hadn’t been that much older than him. Then Kenma’s life had been turned upside down and Ryuu had been there to help him put it back together. Yes, Ryuu had been a damn good friend and roommate. Shoyo had been ecstatic when he found out the two of them had ran into each other, entrusting Kenma to Ryuu readily. Kenma felt like Ryuu had made it his mission to look out for the smaller kids in his life. He was glad he was cared for.

“So, Ryuu, no Kiyoko today?” Kenma asked after he had finished eating. Ryuu smiled brightly at the mention of his girlfriend, “Nah man, you missed her by about thirty minutes. She was headed off to work. Speaking of which, it’s about time for me to head out to. You got class today?” Kenma grabbed their plates, rising to his feet to take them back to the kitchen. “Yeah, just the one, though. Shouldn’t be very long. Will I see you both tonight?” he asked, rounding the bar and placing the plates in the sink. “You mean more like will we see you. I know you are going to spend the weekend streaming for your gamer boy fans,  Kodzuken !” Kenma smiled to himself, while Ryuu laughed loudly. “Shimizu and I will be around if  ya need us. We won’t bother you, though. I am  gonna head out, man. Lock up when you leave, yeah?” Kenma nodded and voiced a “later” over his shoulder and went to cleaning up from their breakfast. He heard the door shut and took in the silence. Just because the day had started rather annoyingly didn’t mean it was doomed completely. Well, he  hoped that was the case anyway.

After killing some time before his class working on his set up for his weekend stream, Kenma decided to get dressed for the day. He went to his closet grabbing a pair of black skinny jeans, taking his gym shorts off and pulling them on, careful not to shove his foot through the tears that decorated the legs, exposing his skin. After buttoning them and discarding his shorts into his hamper, he looked back into the closet grabbing a black, loose fitted tee and the first hoodie he saw. He quickly pulled them on after shedding the white shirt and tossing it into the hamper. He stopped by his bed to grab his bag and phone before heading to the door. He shoved his socked feet into his black and gray Chuck’s without unlacing them, pulling his black hat from the hanger by the door and fitting it onto his head. Kenma opened the door and headed out, planning to stop by the coffee shop just up the street before making his way to class. 

Kenma pulled the door to the shop open, the smell of coffee dancing around him. He loved that smell. It was warm, sweet and reminded him that he was about to receive a nice burst of energy. He made his way to the counter, smile small on his face. The Barista took his order, one caramel macchiato with an extra shot of espresso. He stepped aside, pulling out his phone to wait. He checked the time and then saw he had a text from Akaashi. Kenma opened it, reading the request to meet up some time soon. He responded with a “Sure. Whenever is good for you, just let me know.”. He closed the chat and clicked the button to lock the screen before pushing it back into his back pocket. He pushed his hands in the front pocket of the old high school hoodie, cursing silently that he grabbed that particular one. Before he could dwell on it too much though, the Barista went to hand him his drink. He took it and mumbled a thank you, turning to leave. Kenma got to the door, heading out, ready to get this over with so he could hull up in his streaming room for the majority of the weekend. Finally, he would get the much-needed solitude he felt like he had earned after surviving the long week. Even though he had been woken up feeling the stab of an old wound, it seemed the day would be good. Kenma thanked whatever God for that, tasting his drink and making his way to class.


	2. Welcoming Distractions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was something familiar about the guy, but Kuroo shoved that thought down. He had come accustom to seeing Kenma in strangers. He felt like it was his subconscious trying to replicate Kenma so Kuroo could get a moment of peace in seeing the person he had lost. It had been his own fault he had lost Kenma. Kuroo thought back to the worst mistake of his existence as he watched the guy at the counter. He had been happy with Kenma, really happy. They had made it through the strain of being apart for a year, they had moved in together once Kenma had started the University. Every aspect of their relationship had been perfect. So, why had Kuroo cheated?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we get Kuroo's POV, Kuroo treading very close to stalker territory, and a super sad Kuroo.

Sitting in a corner near the window, Kuroo silently stirred his straw around in his coffee, mesmerized by the ripples and patterns. He had just got out of his second class of the day and was needing a pick me up. He knew tonight was going to be a long one,  Bokuto having planned to drag him out to a party or something of the sort. Kuroo really didn’t want to go. In fact, all he could think about doing was crashing on his bed and sleeping all weekend. Kuroo sighed heavily, bringing his hand up to rest his chin in it. He glanced up right as the door to the coffee shop opened. A guy walked in and Kuroo took in his appearance. He was shorter than Kuroo, smaller too. He had on a kick ass pair of black skinny jeans that fit well, not overly tight and not too loose. He was wearing a red hoodie and a black baseball type of cap that was pulled down low, hiding his eyes. His black hair was long, coming just short of reaching his shoulders. He wished he could see his face better, but the dark hair was hiding it. There was something familiar about the guy, but Kuroo shoved that thought down. He had come accustom to seeing Kenma in strangers. He felt like it was his subconscious trying to replicate Kenma so Kuroo could get a moment of peace in seeing the person he had lost. It had been his own fault he had lost Kenma. Kuroo thought back to the worst mistake of his existence as he watched the guy at the counter. He had been happy with Kenma, really happy. They had made it through the strain of being apart for a year, they had moved in together once Kenma had started the University. Every aspect of their relationship had been perfect. So, why had Kuroo cheated? He had everything he had ever wanted and yet, he threw it away over a drunken kiss that he had never wanted in the first place. The worse part of all had been coming home to their apartment they shared with their best friends and seeing  Bokuto and  Akaashi’s faces. Kuroo had made his way to the room he shared with Kenma only to be stopped by  Bokuto’s voice, “He’s gone, Bro.", was all that he said. Kuroo turned around only to be punched in the face by  Akaashi . Kuroo had deserved it. 

He crushed those thoughts, feeling the pain tight in his chest. He opted for watching the guy at the bar, waiting for his coffee. He was rather cute, from what Kuroo could tell. He reminded him so much of Kenma. There were differences though. The obvious one being that this guy had solid black hair instead of Kenma’s faded blonde that mixed into dark roots. He shared the same build as Kenma, but Kuroo chalked the similarities up to his mind playing tricks on him. Then the guy took his coffee and turned to leave. Kuroo’s heart seized in his chest. No, it couldn’t be. Kuroo hadn’t seen Kenma in over a year. He hadn't been allowed to be there when Kenma came to collect his things after the breakup; he had only had the conversation with Kenma about what had happened a few days before he had decided to get the rest of his things. Kenma hadn’t wanted to hear a word of Kuroo’s pathetic attempts to explain himself, or his apologies. Kenma had been in tears, but they had quickly turned to anger when Kuroo reached out to touch him. He had slapped Kuroo, hard. Then reaching up, he grabbed the front of Kuroo’s shirt to yank Kuroo down to his level. He spat venom with his words and walked away. He couldn’t remember what Kenma had said, but Kuroo would never forget that broken look on Kenma’s face. He hated himself for what he had done. Kuroo knew he always would, too. It had caused a few problems with Kuroo and  Akaashi’s friendship as well.  Akaashi had received a text from Kenma the night they had come home to the apartment, clearly lacking Kenma’s presence. It had stated that he was leaving because of what Kuroo had done an he would be in touch to get his stuff later; he just needed some time. Akaashi had left for a few hours after punching Kuroo, saying he was going to find Kenma. He never found him though, because Kenma didn’t want to be found.  Akaashi refused to speak to Kuroo for months.

Before Kuroo knew what the hell he was doing, he realized he was outside. He was following the red hoodie and black hat down the side walk. He knew this was stupid. Hell, Kuroo knew Kenma wanted nothing to do with him. Kenma had still kept in touch and spent time with  Akaashi .  Bokuto sometimes tagged along, too; but Kuroo had been cut off and cut out. Rightfully so, he reminded himself. Kuroo had no idea where Kenma had ended up. He knew nothing about him anymore and wasn’t allowed to ask either. If he did, Akaashi was quick to put him in his place, still angry about Kuroo’s fuck up.  Bokuto had stayed out of it all. Kuroo knew  Akaashi would kick his ass if he could see him right now, but Kuroo couldn’t help it. He didn’t plan on speaking to Kenma. Kuroo just wanted to have him in his line of sight a little bit longer. 

He smiled to himself noticing the red hoodie was in fact Kuroo’s old  Nekoma one from high school. He couldn’t get over the hair though. Kuroo hadn’t seen Kenma with his natural black hair since Kenma’s first year of high school. He hadn’t realized he had missed it all this time either. Kenma stopped abruptly and Kuroo froze. Fear snaked down and coiled in his stomach. Had Kenma noticed him? Kuroo realized with horror he was acting pretty stalker like in that moment. He watched anyway, frozen to his spot on the sidewalk as Kenma fished his phone from his back pocket. He answered it and Kuroo was surprised he could hear Kenma speaking, talking louder than he remembered him being.

“Ryuu, what’s up?” Kuroo wondered who the hell Ryuu was.

“Yeah, I am almost there now. Did you need something?” Hmm, someone he is close with apparently, Kuroo thought. 

“No, I didn’t go back to sleep. I am walking in now.” Okay so this person was clearly looking out for Kenma. That was good, wasn’t it?

“Oh my God, Ryuu! I will see you tonight. Actually, no I won’t because I am locking myself in my streaming room for the foreseeable future.” Kenma streams now apparently, Kuroo hummed in his head. He would remember that for later. Later? What the fuck is he thinking.

“Yeah whatever. Kiss my ass. I am not drinking with you again. I’m hanging up now. See you later.” 

Kuroo watched him end the call, shaking his head. The dark hair moving slightly as he did so. He heard Kenma mumble “idiot” just barely. He pushed his phone in his back pocket and took a drink of his coffee. Then he was off, disappearing into the building in front of them, clearly going to a class. Kuroo hoped he was doing well in his studies. He hoped he was doing well in all aspects of his life, really. He just wished that he deserved to be a part of it. Kuroo rubbed a hand across his face, looking confused when it came back wet. Was he crying? Yes, he was. For fuck’s sake, he didn’t have the right to cry. This was his fault, after all. Kuroo pushed his hands into his pockets and stumbled off to his apartment. Suddenly, a party didn’t sound so terrible after all. Kuroo was welcoming a distraction after seeing Kenma. However, he knew there wasn’t a distraction great enough to remove Kenma from his thoughts, and certainly not his heart. 

Kuroo found himself sitting at a party, drinking alone. No  Bokuto , or  Akaashi , in sight. He wondered if they had already left and went home. He figured it was about time he left himself. This wasn’t fun. Kuroo was miserable and he was lonely. He would much rather be sleeping, or maybe he could scan YouTube, or another streaming platform, for Kenma’s account. That was probably a bad idea, he thought, but he knew he was going to do it anyway. Well, maybe. He wasn’t sure yet. Kuroo thought that would definitely classify him as a stalker. It would also get his ass kicked by  Akaashi , he shivered at the thought. Thankful he wasn’t drunk, Kuroo stood up and started making his way to the door. Unfortunately, his path became blocked by a person he wished he could forget. “Ah, I thought I saw you here, Kuroo!” She spoke all bright and cheery up at him. Kuroo hated it. He hated how she always seemed so happy, always smiling. Kaori  Suzumeda was a nice person. She was cute, with a bright personality and was overly sweet. Still, Kuroo found he couldn't stand the girl; not anymore at least. Kaori had been a manager for  Bokuto and  Akaashi’s Volleyball team in high school, and that was how Kuroo had met her. A meeting he wished that had never even took place at all. 

Kuroo looked down on her, trying to hold back his annoyance. “I was just leaving, Kaori. So, if you could, please let me pass.” Kaori smiled, reaching out and touching his arm. Kuroo fought the urge to recoil. He slowly took her hand and moved it away. “Kaori, don’t touch me. I have told you time and time again, you and I, we aren’t happening. Not ever. Now, I am leaving, so again, please move.” Her smile faded into a scowl. Ah, Kuroo thought, there’s the real you shining through the sweet facade. “Kuroo, I know you miss me. Can we just talk and maybe try and work it out?” Feeling exhausted, Kuroo rolled his eyes. “Miss you? Have you lost your mind? We kissed once! It ruined the best thing I ever had. You hung around me for maybe two weeks, nothing else happened, Kaori. Leave me the hell alone.” Pushing past her, Kuroo made his way out the door and down the street. Yes, Kaori Suzumeda was a nice person, but she also was an absolute nuisance. Kuroo couldn’t stand to even make eye contact with her. All he saw was what she had destroyed for him. Kaori didn’t like being told no and she always made it a point to get what she wanted. Kaori had wanted to kiss Kuroo and she did. Kenma had saw it happen and Kuroo had lost him forever. 

Finally making it back to the apartment, Kuroo slipped inside, taking his shoes off by the door. He could faintly hear his friends, clearly fooling around. He smiled, happy for them, and made his way to his room. Lying on his bed, he argued in his head about whether or not he should look the dark-haired, golden eyed guy up that occupied his mind. He knew it wasn’t a good idea, but he missed Kenma so desperately. Kuroo thought that maybe hearing him, seeing him, might make the giant hole in his heart better. He grabbed his laptop and began the search against his better judgment. It went a lot faster than Kuroo had expected. Kenma was a well-known, well followed and liked, gamer. He had tons of content from past streams. Kuroo was scrolling through them when the “live stream” alert popped up. His heart jumped in his throat and he held his breath as he clicked the link. If this was live, he would be seeing Kenma right this minute. Kuroo wasn’t sure how he felt about that. The screen began to load and before he could change his mind or second guess himself, there he was. 

“Hello everybody!  KodzuKen here! I hope you all have had a great week. This stream was honestly the only thing that got me through. I am really looking forward to this game and I know a lot of you have been waiting as well and requested I play it. To me, Blessed Unleashed seems like a cross between Skyrim and Destiny, but better? We shall see.” Kuroo was glad his headphones were on. He would be screwed if anyone actually heard Kenma’s voice coming from his room. He tried his best to not breakdown at the sound of Kenma’s voice, the smile on his face. He looked happy.

“A lot of you are still logging on, so we can wait a bit longer.” Kuroo watched him setting things up, eyes dancing back and forth, headset with cat ears perched on his head. Then he laughed. Kenma laughed and it felt like a knife was twisting in Kuroo’s heart. “Real funny, SunnySIDEup03. No, I will not be dying my hair back blonde and no, I will not marry you. I thought we were here to play; not propose marriage and tell me you don’t like my natural hair color. That’s just cruel.” Kuroo realized he was interacting with the people in the chat, and holy hell there were thousands of them. Another dozen commented, while multiple “meow” sounds dinged away, alerting new subscribers. Kenma seemed to pick a few comments out, and respond to each, knowing he couldn’t interact with them all. There was just so many, the number growing rapidly.

Kenma spoke again, Kuroo freezing to listen. “Guys what is up with the love life stuff tonight?  Cubby_Snacks , yeah, I am talking to you! No, I am not in a relationship. Also, cornbread977, yes we are about to start the game.” Kuroo couldn’t take his eyes off the screen. Kenma was so in his element it was impossible to look anywhere else.

The screen with Kenma got smaller and dropped to the corner. Then another screen had taken up the main space, sporting a very clear opening of “Blessed Unleashed”. Kuroo thought the design over all looked a bit familiar, but what the hell did he know? He wasn’t a gaming expert like Kenma always had been. “Hmm, the over-all design, the fact you make your characters and such really gives this a Skyrim feel. So, I know I am going to love it. I played Skyrim a lot and forced my childhood bestie to play with me sometimes, or create a character for me every so often. He wasn’t big on games, but that was mostly because I always kicked his ass.” Kenma laughed again. He was talking about Kuroo. He felt like his chest was caving in.

“Ah, you want more information about the childhood bestie, huh saltin66? Well, we grew up together, literally inseparable. We played Volleyball together all throughout school. We were everything best friends are supposed to be.” Kuroo couldn’t stop crying. This was too much. He watched through blurry eyes as the character, an Elf, was being created in the way Kenma was wanting. Kuroo was silently waiting for another subscriber to ask a question that would twist the knife in a little more.

“Well, honestly the_legend1, we don’t talk anymore. Things happened that I’d rather not get into, but I decided the only way I could move forward from that betrayal was to separate myself from him. I did, and it felt like a limb had been ripped from my body. Still does sometimes. I think that one day I will be ready to move past it, maybe, I hope anyway. I have been thinking about him quite a bit lately, but enough about me, we have a ton of things to cover. So, moving on my kitty cats!” Kuroo laughed half-heartedly at the name he called the people that subscribed to him. Kuroo wanted to be a subscriber, but that was a terrible idea, wasn’t it?

Yeah, Kuroo was an idiot. He clicked the subscribe button and instantly heard the “meow” come through his headphones. “Fucking great, dumbass.” He said a little too loudly to himself. He watched as Kenma glanced at the screen, reading the  user's name. “Welcome to the  KodzuKen fan club, Capt.KoolKat01. Interesting user name. We are all cats here.” Kuroo choked. Then a little too rushed and panicked, he began typing out “Glad to be here, Kitten.” and hit enter before realizing the mistake of using the old  pet name. Kenma’s eyes got big, facial expression changing just for a split second. He started to speak, but something off screen caught his attention. He paused the game as his screen was invaded by another person.

“ KodzuKen !!! I brought you a beer! I figured your kitty cat fan club wouldn’t mind if I popped in for a sec.! Hey kitty cats!” Kuroo was shocked. Why in the hell was Kenma hanging out with Tanaka from  Karasuno ? Their personalities had to clash, dramatically so.

“Sorry guys! This is my roommate, Ryuu. He doesn’t understand boundaries.” Kenma glared at Tanaka before speaking again. “You have spoken, now leave.” Tanaka literally pouted. 

“Ken! You are no fun. I apologize for my outburst. I will just go hang with my love. I am leaving the beer though; you need to stay hydrated!” Kenma rolled his eyes watching as Tanaka left the room.

“Wow! Sorry about that, you guys. I  apparently didn’t lock the door. Ryuu likes to check in on me, but usually he does it a lot more subtly. He is having an alcoholic Friday, as I am sure you can tell.” Kenma wasted no time getting back to the game. “So, back to what I was about to say. Apparently, you can farm the mushrooms, among other things, and sell them in the market and make money to be spent in the game. I think I will explore that a little later, though.”

Kuroo was lost in his own thoughts. When the hell had Kenma and Tanaka become friends? Hell, when did they become roommates? He couldn’t believe it and wouldn’t if he wouldn’t have saw it for his own eyes. That was rather interesting.

Kuroo hadn’t been listening, not until Kenma had spoken Tanaka’s given name again. “Well, I actually knew of Ryuu in high school. He was on a Volleyball team with one of my good friends. I ran into him one day leaving my favorite coffee shop and he forced his friendship on me. I am thankful for that now, though. He was there for me when I really needed someone. Ryuu is very caring, but also a hothead. I compare him to the end bosses you have to battle in games because he is always jumping from mildly annoyed to super pissed fairly quick. It’s actually hilarious.”

Kuroo sat the laptop to the side. So, that had been how Kenma and Tanaka became roommates. No, not just roommates, friends. He was slowly putting the pieces together, realizing that Tanaka had been who Kenma went to when Kuroo had ruined everything. Tanaka had probably taken care of Kenma and helped him through the breakup. Kuroo was hit with a terrifying thought. Not only would  Akaashi beat his ass if he tried to approach Kenma, but so would Tanaka; and that was so much worse. All these thoughts kept circling around in Kuroo’s head. This had been probably the worse Friday he had had in a long time. There was nothing to be done about any of it, though. Kenma was out of his life and Kenma wanted it that way, so did everyone else. So, Kuroo did the only thing he could do. He closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep listening to the love of his life play a video game.


	3. Deciding On The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma, deciding he wants the truth of what had happened a year ago, is faced with the fact that maybe he isn't so innocent after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will be Kenma's POV.

Kenma awoke to the sound of his phone screaming at him. It wasn’t really screaming, but the shrill ringing was enough to make him feel like it was. He felt around his bedside table blindly for the device. Just who the hell was calling him so early anyways? Finally, finger tips made contact and he answered the call without a glance to see who it was. 

“Some people are trying to sleep, you know, so this better be important.” He heard a laugh and knew immediately who it was, instantly feeling bad for the harsh tone he had taken. “Well, good afternoon to you as well, Kenma.” Kenma pulled the phone away to look at the time. Of course, it was already two in the afternoon. He had been up  all-night streaming after all. It only made sense he would have slept so late, plus it was Saturday. “Hi,  Akaashi . Sorry for being grumpy. I was up late, really late. What’s up?”

Akaashi laughed, his usual quiet and reserved one, but Kenma couldn’t help feeling like something was a bit off. “I figured you would sleep late, just not this late. I was calling to see if you wanted to meet up today. If you would rather sleep, it’s fine. We can always do it later you know.” Kenma smiled. Akaashi was always so considerate and Kenma appreciated it. He already knew he wouldn’t turn Akaashi down. He was still one of his best friends and neither of them had been able to spare much time lately. “Sleep is for the weak, Keji. Where do you want to meet up? Anywhere is fine with me. Will Bokuto be joining us this time around?” Kenma always invited Bokuto. Not because he wanted to, but because even though Bokuto tested every ounce of patience Kenma had, he still cared about him. He was important to Akaashi, and that would always mean something to Kenma.

“Hmm, not this time Kenma. It will be just you and me today. Since you haven’t eaten, I assume, we can go to that Ramen place you like. Sound good?” Kenma heard his stomach growl at the mention of food, he chuckled lightly. “That sounds perfect. See you in about an hour? Same meeting spot?”  Akaashi agreed and they hung up. Kenma forcing himself out of his bed to go shower and get dressed; knowing full well he needed the shower to wake him up. 

Dressed in black joggers and a white t-shirt, Kenma made his way down the path that led to the coffee shop. It was his favorite and he always met  Akaashi directly in front of it. Adjusting his hat on his head as he leaned against the brick building. Kenma wondered if this was just their standard meet up. It had been a little odd that  Bokuto wasn’t coming. There had been times he hadn’t come, but more often than not,  Bokuto was eager to see Kenma. He had practically begged  Akaashi to let him come. Kenma wondered if something had happened. No, if something was wrong,  Keji would have told him immediately. Kenma might not have wanted to see Kuroo, but he always wanted to know if he was okay. Even after everything, Kenma still cared. He didn’t like that he cared, but he understood that you can’t just erase something that went as deep as he and Kuroo did. No matter how much time passed, Kenma would always care for Kuroo. He loved him, deeply. That is why he had to stay away from him. Kenma had some self-preservation after all, and he knew staying away protected his heart from any further damage or pain.

A hand landed on Kenma’s shoulder, startling him. All previous thoughts forgotten.  Akaashi gave him a hug, pulling back looking at him curiously. “I didn’t mean to startle you. Everything okay, Kenma?” Kenma looked at him, considering if he was okay or not before he answered. Why had he been thinking about Kuroo so much the past few days? Had that dream really messed with him this much? “Um, yeah. I’m good,  Keji . Yeah. You ready to go?” The other boy eyed Kenma suspiciously, but  nodded . They took off in the direction of the Ramen shop. Kenma trying to push back the swirl of thoughts in his head.

Kenma watched  Akaashi through his lashes, glancing at his friend every so often.  Akaashi was mindlessly stirring his ramen with his chopsticks. He was clearly trying to think how to word something, or ask something. Kenma just hadn’t figured out which. He still couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. Worry was trying to dig  its claws into Kenma, but for the moment he shoved it aside to observe his friend better.

“Okay, spill it  Keji . Something is wrong. I don’t know exactly what, but you have been off since the phone call earlier. Bo not coming is another indicator that something is up. So, tell me. Has something happened?” Kenma placed his chopsticks to the side, sitting back in the booth. He watched as  Akaashi bit his lip nervously, still thinking on what to say.  Finally, he sighed, laying his chopsticks down as well. He leaned forward resting one arm on the table, then placing his elbow down to shove a hand through his hair.

“Ever the analysist, I see. Nothing has happened, not yet anyway. Bo is fine. Um, I am actually here because  Bokuto asked me to talk to you.” Kenma crossed his arms, watching. He cocked his head to the side, considering. “Okay, what does Bo need you to talk to me about? He could have come and we could have talked. He knows that.” Kenma noticed  Akaashi tense. Okay, Kenma thought, this is bad. I was right. Something has happened.

Akaashi met Kenma’s eyes, then started to speak. “ Bokuto asked me to talk to you about Kuroo. Before you get mad, hear me out, please Kenma. You don’t owe anyone anything and you don’t have to even listen to me, but understand that I had to do this for  Bokuto . I couldn’t tell him no. He is worried and honestly, I am too.” Well, Kenma was right. He prided himself for still being able to read people so well. Now he just had to decide if he wanted to hear this. It would be easier to get up and leave, avoid this conversation completely. However, Kenma didn’t have it in him to run anymore. He didn’t really want to keep trying so hard to keep Kuroo locked out of his life. It was exhausting. It was painful. Kenma didn't have the energy for it anymore. 

Decision made, Kenma sat up. “What’s wrong with him,  Keji ? Did something happen?” Kenma watched as  Akaashi shook his head, a broken laughter coming out of his mouth. “What isn’t wrong with Kuroo? That’s the question you should be asking. He’s badly depressed for one. He hasn’t been truly himself since he lost you, but he has recently gotten worse. He stays cooped up in his room, doesn’t go out much but for classes. He won’t talk about anything with anyone. Lately, he cries. I don’t think he realizes we hear him, but for a week straight  Bokuto has sat at his bedroom door listening to him sobbing. Last night, he went in to check on him after he had gone quiet. I was waiting in our room and Bo came back upset.”  Akaashi took a deep breath and Kenma waited for him to continue. “I asked Bo what was wrong, if Kuroo was okay or not. You know what he told me?” Kenma stared, shocked he could see tears trying to break free from  Akaashi’s deep blue eyes. Kenma didn’t answer, knowing  Akaashi would continue. “Bo said Kuroo had cried until he exhausted himself. He was asleep but he had his laptop beside him, headphones in. He was watching you stream, Kenma.” Just like that everything seemed to be in slow motion. Kenma was rendered speechless. He sat there, having heard every word spoken to him, but couldn’t form even a simple reply. 

Unsure how long they had sat there, starring at one another, Kenma finally found some words in his vocabulary. He strung together a simple sentence, hoping not to sound like a blabbering idiot. “It was him.”  Akaashi looked utterly confused, but that was all Kenma’s mind was willing to focus on. The realization that he had been right last night, the subscriber that called him Kitten like they had been doing it for years... It was Kuroo. “Oh. Fucking hell, it was really him.” Kenma said, completely sure now that he really thought about it. “Um, Kenma, are you okay?”  Akaashi asked, looking really worried. “Look, we don’t expect anything from you, Kenma. I just... I felt like you would want to know.” Kenma swallowed, throat feeling dry. For two days now, Kenma had been contemplating if he was ready to face Kuroo. He wondered if he could really and truly let the pain go, move forward. He had never meant for it to take a year. Kenma hadn’t thought it would hurt Kuroo, not really. That was a lie, though. He had told himself that to make it easier on his self; it had softened the guilt he felt for disappearing. Kenma had felt like if he didn’t have to worry about Kuroo, if Kuroo was fine, then him being selfish didn’t actually matter. He had known deep down that neither of them was fine at that time, and he wasn’t sure if they ever would be.

Knowing he had one more decision, this one not being as easy as just listening to  Akaashi talk, Kenma decided he wanted the whole truth of what had happened. He knew it would hurt, but he had already suffered through the not knowing long enough. It was time he knew. The truth was the only thing that would give Kenma the information he needed to decide if he would ever let Kuroo back in. Kenma clenched his fist, feeling the bite of his nails in his palms, trying to ground himself. “ Keji ... I never let him tell me what had happened. I had only witnessed the kiss, but refusing any explanation, I let my mind create the story for me. I guess that was why it hurt so much, but also made it so easy to shut him out. So, can you please tell me everything that happened. Don't skip any details. Please,  Keji .” Kenma stared at his lap, trying to ease the tension in his body. He was preparing himself for the emotional blow the story would deliver.  Akaashi began to speak, telling Kenma the truth. 

Crashing face first into his bed, head smooshed in the pillow, was Kenma’s response to the eye-opening information  Akaashi had given him. The only thing keeping him from spiraling was the fact that Kenma knew people handled trauma differently. People were different. So, Kenma avoiding the entire situation, fleeing to heal from the fact his heart had figuratively been ripped out, wasn’t crazy. No, it wasn’t crazy, but it hadn’t been emotionally healthy either. Here he was now, a year and some change past the event that literally turned his universe upside down, finding out that he handled it in the wrong way. Fuck, he had handled it terribly. If he would have taken just a few days maybe, calmed down and listened to Kuroo, would things have been differently? It had left a bad taste in Kenma’s mouth hearing that it was only a kiss. One kiss. One fucking stupid kiss had ruined everything. Or had it been Kenma’s own stupidity that had ruined everything? Maybe the kiss just pushed Kenma to retreat; to avoid and isolate like he always did. Maybe if Kuroo would have had sex with the girl, Kenma would have had more of a reason to react how he did. Wait, this was spiraling. Kenma needed to just stop the gears turning in his mind and breathe. What’s done is done, he thought. There was no use in obsessing over the details of how he had handled it. Right now, he needed to decide what he was going to do.

There was a knock on his bedroom door, then he heard it click open. “Dude, are you good? Need me to kick some ass? Because I’ll do it. Just say the words.” Kenma smiled, even though it was hidden by his pillow. Deciding to roll over, knowing Ryuu wouldn’t leave until he told him the problem. “Ryuu, I think I fucked up.” Technically, Kuroo had fucked up, but he wasn’t entirely at fault, not anymore. Was fixing this even possible? Did they get another chance like Kenma did in his video games? That was just  wishful thinking wasn’t it?

“You fucked up? Since when? I have never seen you fuck anything up. What’s going on? You seem more down than normal.” Kenma glared at his friend, watching him hold his hands up in surrender. “Hey, no need to attack kitty cat. I know you have claws. I was just saying. Seriously though,  wanna talk about it?” That was the problem, right? Did Kenma want to talk about it? Not talking about it had gotten him here in the first place. Maybe he needed to start doing things differently. Having Ryuu as a friend had made Kenma more outspoken, quick to react and over all a bit louder. He had slowly adapted and changed. This would be no different, he thought. “You know what, yeah, I need to talk about it. I am losing my fucking mind right now.” He paused, watching in his  peripheral as Ryuu took a seat in the chair at the desk, slowly spinning it, waiting for Kenma to speak.

“It’s about Kuroo.” Kenma swallowed, mouth and throat feeling dry. “It was one kiss, Ryuu. I threw it all away over one kiss. Do you know how many years of my life, of friendship, of love I threw the fuck away over a kiss?” Kenma was shaking. He was tensing up trying to control the  tremors that over took his body. He had to keep going, though. He knew if he stopped  talking, he would never get it all out.

“So much time, wasted and shoved aside all because I refused to hear him out. I don’t even know why a kiss would warrant such a fucking outrageous reaction, Ryuu! Not when I had kissed Kuroo so many times. It shouldn’t have mattered!” Voice thick with regret, Kenma let out a strangled sob, realizing he was crying. How embarrassing. How ridiculous. Kenma silently damned emotions and the hold they had over him. “I... I ran from the love of my life over a single kiss. I am so stupid.”

“Well, that’s enough of that.” Ryuu said, slapping his palms down on each knee. He looked ready to get up and leave, but instead he fixed Kenma with a stare. “Sideline those regrets, right fucking now. We aren’t doing this. You aren’t stupid for one. You are one of the most analytical people I have ever met. You can figure out any game, puzzle... Hell, you can figure out any person if you watch them enough. It’s scary actually.” He huffed a breath, then chuckled. “Look Kenma, you may not have handled it well, but no one blames you. You handled it the best way you knew how to at that point in your life. No one else would have done any differently. I think you are struggling so much now because you aren’t the same person that came to this apartment a year ago, broken and wanting to be alone. You have changed, so your reaction to what happened a year ago would be completely different now. That’s normal.” 

For someone that isn’t an idiot, Kenma felt like he should have known that himself. He shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes, letting out an exasperated sigh. “What do I do, Ryuu?” It was quiet. Kenma felt like he would suffocate in his own thoughts and the silence. Maybe there wasn’t anything that could be done. It was probably too late. 

“Listen up, city boy.” Kenma fixed Ryuu with another glare. Thinking about how he really would claw his eyes out if he were a cat for calling him that shit. “Just talk to Rooster head. I mean I am sure he would be down to see you again. Who wouldn’t be? You literally have a fan club, Almighty KodzuKen!” Ryuu pretended to bow and Kenma laughed. “I swear Ryuu, I am going to kick your ass.” Obnoxious laughter filled the room as Ryuu jumped to his feet, ripping his shirt off and spinning it around. “Ya wanna rumble, city boy?” Kenma got up, and pretended like he was going to jump at Ryuu, causing him to scream rather loudly. “If you hurt me, I am telling Hinata! He’s the only one that can keep you in line.” They both laughed at that. “Yeah, Sho might kick both our asses. Can’t go upsetting my ray of sunshine. Thanks, Ryuu, really.” Ryuu smiled big, standing to his full height. “Anything for my favorite senpai. Don’t mention it, Lord KodzuKen.” Kenma shoved him out of his room and closed the door after him, locking him out.


	4. When Did Everything Get So Hard?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tough love from one, Bokuto Koutarou!
> 
> Kenma likes facing the Final Boss in games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will start with Kuroo's POV and then shift to Kenma's. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

It had been a week. Long, exhausting and overwhelming to a point that Kuroo had honestly thought about skipping his classes and shutting himself off from the world. Kaori had been blowing up his phone. Clearly, she didn’t know how to take no for an answer; and if Kuroo didn’t already know that much, well, he knew it now. It made his blood boil. He had finally blocked her number, hoping that would send the message loud and clear since she hadn’t understood the other times, apparently. 

Kuroo braced his hands on the tiles of the shower, letting the water spray over his head, cascading down his body while he let his thoughts consume him. Why had everything seemed to be so hard lately? He felt like he couldn’t complete the simplest tasks. Kuroo had no motivation for anything and no desire to be around anyone. That was okay, though, he told himself. He deserved to be alone. It was fine. Still, even feeling that way, he wondered when he would catch sight of Kenma again. Would he be able to speak to him if he happened to see him again? Probably not. Kuroo was afraid of what Kenma might say, or if he would pull a face of pure disgust and walk away. Thinking about all the possibilities made Kuroo’s head spin relentlessly. Feeling dizzy, and really sad, he shut of the water and got out of the shower. He absent-mindedly wrapped a towel around his waist and pushed his hair to the side, out of his eye for the time being. Jerking open his bathroom door, he hadn’t expected to crash into the solid chest of his best friend. 

“Uh, need something, Bo?” Kuroo asked, not really looking at his friend. “Nope. I just wanted to check in. Got any plans tonight? It’s Friday, so I wanted to ask if you wanted to hang with ‘Kaashi and me?” He pushed past  Bokuto , going to his drawers to grab some comfy clothes. He didn’t have plans, but he didn’t want to make any either. “Nah, no plans, Bo. But don’t worry about me, okay? You and  Akaashi just go have fun. I will probably just order some take-out and I will see you guys when you come back.”

Kuroo still couldn’t bring himself to look at  Bokuto . He knew that if he did make eye contact,  Bokuto would know instantly that something was off with Kuroo. He always had been able to tell. So, Kuroo pulled his shirt on, keeping his back turned and eyes lowered to the floor. “Well, in that case, we can all just stay in and hang out. You can pick the food and ‘Kaashi and I will find us something to watch, or we can game or anything you want really.” Of course,  Bokuto would just stay in with Kuroo. He had to try and change his mind, though. He just wanted to be alone.

“Bo, man, it’s fine. I am good. You don’t need to stay with me. Go and have fun.” Kuroo dropped the towel, pulling his boxers on, then his baggy pajama pants. When had they got so loose? He didn’t remember them hanging off his hips like this. That thought was interrupted, though. “If you are good, really and truly good, why can’t you look at me? I refuse to leave until you talk to me, Kuroo. So, if you want to be alone, then I guess you are going to have to start talking.” Kuroo shoved his hand through his hair, rounding on  Bokuto and fixing him with a stern look. 

“There. Are you happy? I am looking at you and I am telling you that I am fine.”  Bokuto crossed his arms, cocking his brow at him. “Yeah, well I am telling you that you are a liar. Talk to me. We are best bros, Kuroo. Stop shutting me, and the entire world out.” 

Kuroo had the same question running laps through his mind. Why? Why the hell was everything so unbelievably hard lately? He felt like crying, screaming, maybe hitting something. He damn sure didn’t feel like talking, though. So, he turned the hurt into anger and snapped at his friend. “Can you just... Just leave me alone, okay? There isn’t a damn thing to talk about! Just fucking drop it,  Koutarou . Please just fucking drop it.” He watched as hurt flashed across  Bokuto’s face. Regret stabbing Kuroo in the chest instantly. The hurt vanished from his friend as fast as it had appeared, Kuroo wondering if he had crossed a line.

“Hmm, you’re angry. That’s good. Lately all you have been is sad. You cry all the time, you only leave the apartment for classes, barely eating.” Kuroo was shocked. Mouth hanging open, staring at his friend. “Don’t think I didn’t notice, Bro. Your clothes are hanging off of you and I hear you crying. I am not stupid. I know you and I know what’s wrong; so, are you going to keep sitting on your fucking ass, acting like Kenma died, or are you going to get the fuck up and go make it right with him? He isn’t dead Kuroo, you can fix this shit. There’s still hope, just talk to him.” How the hell could he make it sound so easy? It wasn’t easy. Kuroo couldn’t just fix it. There was no getting Kenma back in any form. Kuroo tried to speak but the words didn’t come. All that came out was the sounds of a choked sob. Seriously, why did it have to be this hard? Why was he crying?

“It feels like he died... I... I feel like he died and I never got to say goodbye, or to grieve him. I know he is here, breathing the same air, walking the same streets. I just can’t reach him. He is always out of my grasp. I saw him last Friday. I... He was at the coffee shop. I followed him out because I just couldn’t believe it. He was really there, in front of me. I didn’t talk to him and made sure he didn’t see me.” Kuroo tried to catch his breath before continuing. Desperate to keep the tears under control. “His hair is black again, Bo. I haven’t seen him with his natural hair color in so many years. He’s happy now. I could see it. Little things about him have changed and he is happy. I can’t ruin that. It’s best if I just...” Kuroo stopped, jumping from the noise.  Bokuto had punched the wall. “Don’t you fucking dare say that, Kuroo. Best for who, huh? How can you make Kenma’s decisions for him when you have no fucking idea how he feels? The only thing that you staying away would be best for is your fucking pride, man. Staying away isn’t to protect whatever form of happiness you think Kenma has, no, it's to protect you from rejection!”

Kuroo swallowed the lump in his throat.  Bokuto was right. Kuroo quickly wondered if this was coming from  Akaashi , or if the man had just rubbed off on  Bokuto this much over the years. He stayed quiet, scared to upset  Bokuto any further. “Look, man, you can get off your ass and talk to Kenma. I’ve seen him a lot since the breakup. Kenma is good at hiding things. He always has been. Kenma feels things on a deeper level than you and I, he also can read people better. It makes perfect sense that someone so tuned in to others feelings and body language would be able to easily cover their own. Kuroo, you didn’t see him. I did.  Akaashi and I had a front row seat to that and let me tell you, he was so broken. I don’t believe there is a life in which Kenma wouldn’t want you in it. I know he shut you out, but he had to. It was hard for him; I could see it. What we didn't see, Tanaka told us. But enough is enough, it’s been a year. Get off your ass and talk to him.” Kuroo was suddenly jerked into a hug he didn't know he needed. He cried while  Bokuto hugged him. He knew he may never have Kenma as a boyfriend again, but  maybe he could have him as a friend. Maybe he could fix it.  Bokuto was right, he had to try.

Pulling the door open to the coffee shop, Kenma inhaled deeply like he always did. “Ugh, thank the Game God’s it’s Friday.” he said quietly, only gaining a few other customer’s attention. Avoiding the stares, he pulled out his phone and opened his Animal Crossing game just to pass the time while he waited in line to get something sweet. He wasn’t feeling coffee today, not needing the extra boost. Kenma wanted sugar. Maybe he would get some mochi for later, he thought. 

Surroundings fully tuned out by now, Kenma was absorbed in the game. Only lifting his gaze to the line every so often. It wasn’t long until he found himself waiting for his order. It had been some sweet vanilla thing he had never tried. He took the drink and taste tested it, humming approval before pocketing his phone and heading out. Kenma had been too focused on the drink and thinking about his need for mochi to pay attention to the fact the door had been opened for him and he crashed full bodily into someone trying to enter the shop. Kenma didn’t dare look up, opting to stare at the  stranger's feet instead. They were wearing black vans. Kenma really liked them.

Kenma spoke first, still not looking up. “Sorry for bumping into you, glad I didn’t spill my drink, though.” No response. Kenma was seriously starting to panic. He looked up, trying to channel his inner Ryuu in case this person was pissed. He was met with a wide eyed, panicked Tetsurou Kuroo. “Um, holy fuck. I... Um, Kuroo?” Kenma sputtered, cursing himself for sounding like an idiot.

“It’s... I mean... Um. I didn’t...” Kenma felt relieved that he wasn’t the only one that was clearly ignorant and caught off guard by the encounter. Before he could try and calm Kuroo, or fumble his own words again, Kuroo let out a sigh, followed by a very distinct “Fuck.” and turned around, walking out. 

Kenma was stunned. He stood there, shocked, his mind traveling to one of his many games. Would Kenma go straight forward and face the boss, or would he go and level up some more before he tried? After careful consideration, if a little too rushed, he decided he had leveled up enough. It was boss time. Cue the boss fight music. Pushing himself forward, Kenma made his way out of the shop in search for Kuroo. Kenma knew he couldn’t have gotten far. Not if his mind was as messed up as his ability to form a clear sentence. 

Kenma walked a few minutes until he spotted the familiar mess of hair. Kuroo was sitting on a bench, head in his hands. Kenma stopped. He paused to watch him, after all it had been so long. He could tell just by looking at Kuroo that this wasn’t going to be what he had expected. Kenma had thought he himself had been broken. If that was the case, then what was Kuroo? Right now, he looked distraught; an absolute emotional wreck. Kenma huffed. “Wow, we are both actual idiots”, he thought. Shaking his head, Kenma took the first step forward to close the distance. It was time, he could feel it in his bones. It was time for Kenma to try and push past all the pain, the suffering and feelings of betrayal and talk to Kuroo. Here he was, directly in front of him. All Kenma had to do was walk to the bench and take a seat. He finally reached his destination and lowered himself down beside the person that was his entire world. Kenma was ready, knowing he didn’t have it in him to turn down facing the final boss. This wasn’t actually a boss battle, but it was similar. Kenma had had to overcome so much to be sitting here next to Kuroo, ready to talk it all out and move past it. He had his fingers crossed that Kuroo ready to face it down with him.


	5. Was A Year Not Long Enough?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma felt a pang in his chest at the thought that a simple conversation with someone he had spent half his life with was proving to be so difficult. Hell, it felt impossible. He thought about leaving, staying, punching something, screaming... But instead, he swallowed hard, closed his eyes and decided to take the plunge for both of them, yet again. Kuroo hadn’t been able to stay and face Kenma, he ran and Kenma chased after him. Now, Kuroo wasn’t able to fill the silence between them, so Kenma spoke for the both of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Kenma's POV. 
> 
> It's a little more sad than the other ones. But don't worry, happier things head. Well, eventually. Just embrace the pain, I promise it's worth it. :)

They both had been sitting for a while now, not a word spoken between them; the tension so thick in the air surrounding them it was hard to breathe. This wasn’t what Kenma had expected when he approached the bench and took a seat next to Kuroo. His heart was beating fast and he wondered if he had enough control over his anxiety nowadays to actually do this without sending himself into a panic attack. His mind tossed hundreds of ways to start a much-needed conversation around like he and Kuroo had done with volleyballs as kids. That had been easy, this wasn’t. Kenma felt a pang in his chest at the thought that a simple conversation with someone he had spent half his life with was proving to be so difficult. Hell, it felt impossible. He thought about leaving, staying, punching something, screaming... But instead, he swallowed hard, closed his eyes and decided to take the plunge for both of them, yet again. Kuroo hadn’t been able to stay and face Kenma, he ran and Kenma chased after him. Now, Kuroo wasn’t able to fill the silence between them, so Kenma spoke for  the both of them.

“So, Captain Kool Kat, huh? That was an interesting user name; kind of gives you away, though, don’t you think?” Kenma smiled, thinking about seeing the comment on his stream, knowing immediately who had posted it. He watched as Kuroo stiffened slightly. Tension seeming to build in his shoulders. “How did you know it was me?” 

Kenma felt chills pass over his body at hearing Kuroo speak. He hadn’t heard the voice in so long. It still sounded how he remembered it. Closing his eyes, sighing quietly. “You do realize you are the only person that has ever dared call me Kitten, right? How could I not know it was you? I was surprised, though. I never imagined you would ever watch me stream.” Holding his drink with both hands in his lap, he stole a quick glance at Kuroo, waiting for a response. It never came, though. Kenma took a sip of the drink and tried again. “Are you okay, Kuroo?” he said in a quiet voice, afraid that if he spoke too loudly, Kuroo might disappear. Was this even really happening?

Kenma watched Kuroo blow out his cheeks before letting the air pass through his lips a little too fast. “I’m... You don’t need to worry about me, Kenma.” Pressing the tips of his fingers in and out of the plastic cup, Kenma let out a small hum. “I always worry about you. I never stopped, really.” Kenma didn’t think he could ever stop worrying about Kuroo, but he didn’t say that. “I will ask again, and if you don’t want to answer it’s okay. I can leave if you want me to, Kuroo. I just... I just wanted to see if you were okay. So, are you?” Kenma was holding his breath, waiting for any form of a response. Hoping for something, he didn’t know what that something was, though.

“No. Yeah, no, I am not okay. I am having a hard time even believing you are actually sitting here right now.” Kuroo took a deep breath before starting again, Kenma watching him with interest. “I am sure you have better places to be, but just... could you just sit here a little longer? We don’t have to talk; I just need a minute. Please, just a minute.” Kenma watched a tear fall and leave a wet trail down Kuroo’s face. It hurt him. Kuroo’s words cut deep inside Kenma’s heart, filling him with the urge to just hold him and take it all back. He knew that wasn’t possible, not yet. So, he opted for his words, yet again.

“Okay. I will stay as long as you need me to. I’m right here, Kuroo.” At that, Kuroo was full on sobbing now. He was trying to hold it in, choking back the broken sounds that tried to escape him. Kenma sat quietly, letting him cry. He knew that’s all Kuroo wanted right now; that being probably all he could handle. So, they sit next to each other, Kenma quietly listening to the love of his life cry. 

It felt like they had been sitting for hours, but when Kenma checked his phone he realized it had only been about forty-five minutes. Kuroo had stopped crying finally. Kenma was relieved. He didn’t enjoy seeing others cry; he hated crying really. It pissed him off at how hard it was to control, how inconvenient it was to just burst into tears because your emotions were raging on, unchecked. Yeah, crying was a real pain in the ass, Kenma thought. He glanced over at Kuroo, wondering what was going on inside his head but not daring to ask. He felt like he had said enough, and if Kuroo wanted to talk he would when he was ready. Kenma wasn’t going to push him. 

Another five minutes passed by and Kuroo seemed to have something to say. He shifted around, picking at his nails and finally sighing, defeated. “Sorry you had to see that. You can go whenever you want. I didn’t mean to hold you up.” Kenma rolled his eyes. He had forgot how stupid Kuroo could be at times. Really? He felt the need to apologize for crying, for apparently holding Kenma up? Kenma guessed he had failed to realize that Kenma had followed him, approached him and asked if he was okay. Was that not enough to show that he wanted to be there? Kenma sighed, thinking how annoying this was starting to be. 

“Look Kuroo, if I minded being here, I simply would have walked out of the coffee shop and went home. I certainly wouldn’t have followed you, or sat with you. Asking you if you were okay would not have even been a thought if I didn’t want to be here, so can you cut the shit and just talk to me? Or has it been so long that literally all either of us are capable of doing is avoiding shit and running away from each other? Aren’t you tired of it? Was a year not enough for you? It was for me!” Kenma spoke heatedly, feeling his frustrations pour out of him. Kuroo didn’t say anything and that pissed Kenma off more. He shoved his hand in his hair, dropping it immediately after completing the action. He stood up, feeling his anger take hold. “Okay, I see how it is. Whatever. I’m not going to fucking beg. Have a good day, Kuroo.” Kenma said through gritted teeth as he started walking away. He made it about five steps away before he felt a hand grab his arm. He froze, whipping around to face the person. Hair flying across his face.

“I am sorry, okay. Yes, I am tired of it. I am sick of seeing you in people that aren’t you everywhere I look, I am tired of waking up gasping for air because I can’t get your face out of my head. A year was enough. It’s been miserable. I feel like I can’t fucking breathe, like I am being suffocated by the absence. So, please, don’t storm off. I know I took too long... I fucked things up back then and here I go, fucking this up too. I am sorry, Kenma.” Wow... that was all Kenma thought at the brutal honesty of Kuroo’s words. He felt guilt creep up and wrap its hand around his throat. Kenma knew what it was like to feel like you were suffocating from the silence, the lack of a presence that you had become so accustomed to having. It was painful, unbearable even. 

Kuroo still had Kenma’s arm in his hand. Kenma looked down at the fingers, not wanting them to release their hold, feeling like it was the only thing grounding him to the place where he stood. “Don’t apologize for something that we both caused. It wasn’t just you. I made mistakes back then, too. I refused to listen to you and have went all this time not knowing exactly what happened. Well, not until recently. I feel like a lot of things could have been avoided if I would have just heard you out. I was hurt, and before I knew it, I wasn’t so much hurt as I was angry. I don’t think I have ever been that mad at you. I stayed angry for a long time, but that left eventually and then I was just sad. So, don’t apologize. We both are to blame.” 

Kenma felt the hand on his arm tremble, he looked up searching the eyes for tears. Great, he thought, he is going to cry again, damnit. But the next sentence knocked the breath right out of Kenma, eyes widening in shock. “It felt like you died.” Kuroo’s voice was shaking, along with his body. Kenma couldn’t move; completely stunned by the admission. “At first, I thought you just needed time. I knew how mad you were, I kept replaying the last time we spoke. I had no idea what you had said to me, I just remembered the look on your face. But after a month, I knew in my gut you were just gone. At three months, I felt your absence to a new degree; the pain unbearable\\. By six months, I was hit by the realization that it was the longest time I had went without seeing you, hearing you or touching you. I began to forget things about you. Things that you don’t expect to forget. I realized suddenly one day that I couldn’t remember how your laugh sounded and I cried myself to sleep. It got worse from there and I really couldn’t shake the feeling that I had... It was like you had died, Kenma. That is how I feel without you in my life. I feel utterly alone every minute of every day. So, yeah, a year was long enough.”

Kenma looked Kuroo in his eyes, seeing the pain and sadness there. It hurt more than he cared to admit. He felt terrible after Kuroo had told him how he felt all this time. Kenma felt like he himself only had survived because he had had the link of  Akaashi and  Bokuto . He had remembered that they had refused to tell Kuroo anything about Kenma. Now, Kenma had wished they would have. Maybe Kuroo wouldn’t have suffered so badly. Kenma had a thought, not wanting to really leave Kuroo until he knew he was okay. He felt like he would regret this, but he spoke before he could change his mind.

“Do you have any plans tonight?” He asked, hoping he didn’t sound desperate or something equally embarrassing. Kuroo just shook his head. Kenma continued, “Okay, well, I have a stream to do. So, do you want to come and hangout while I do it. I mean it will be pretty boring for you probably, but you can come watch if you want to.” Kenma saw the ghost of a smirk he hadn’t seen in a long time. It still unnerved him. “I think I would like that. Are you sure it’s okay, though?” Kuroo asked. Kenma rolled his eyes. “If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t have invited you. Come on, we look like the world's biggest idiots standing in the street like this.” He grabbed Kuroo’s hand before realizing it, pulling him along back to his place. He hoped Kuroo was ready for the shit that Ryuu was more than likely going to throw at him. This will prove to be either the funniest interaction Kenma had ever witnessed, or the most annoying, he thought. Oh well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, Kenma knew. He gripped Kuroo’s hand tighter, feeling a squeeze in return. Yeah, this was okay, he thought. It was going to be okay.


	6. Feeling Unsure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, How ya been City Boy? Break any hearts lately?" That wasn't the greeting Kuroo had expect, but it was probably the one he deserved. Kuroo finds himself face to face with Tanaka after all these years and the realization that he doesn't need to be here, in Kenma's home. Should he stay, or should he run like every fiber of his being is screaming for him to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We have both POVs again! Yay. Starting off with Kuroo and then moving to Kenma. We have a little bit of Tanaka in this chapter, which I hope you all enjoy as much as I do.

Kuroo thought his heart would explode out of his chest when Kenma asked him if he wanted to come and watch him stream. He felt like he was in a dream. There was no way this was real life, not anymore anyway. Not after everything that had happened; not after losing Kenma. Kuroo had to force out his response, thinking he would choke on the words before he ever actually said them out loud. Of course, he wanted to hang out with Kenma. That was all he had wanted for a year. So, he told Kenma the truth. “I think I would like that. Are you sure it’s okay, though?” Kuroo couldn’t help the question. Was it really okay for him to spend time with Kenma? He felt like he could name quite a few people that would most definitely be against it. However, when Kenma rolled his eyes and responded quickly with, “If it wasn’t okay, I wouldn’t have invited you. Come on, we look like the world’s biggest idiots standing in the street like this.”, Kuroo realized that it didn't matter how anyone else felt about it as long as Kenma wanted him there. He was pretty sure his heart did explode, though, when Kenma grabbed his hand and pulled him along. Kuroo blinked back tears, trying his best not to cry again. Kenma squeezed his hand and Kuroo felt like it was a silent message from Kenma to him that it was going to be okay. Kuroo squeezed back and let himself be drug along. He didn’t know what awaited him the next few hours, but he didn’t really care either. Kuroo was feeling better than he had in a while; all he cared about was being in the same room as Kenma. Nothing else m attered to him.

Before Kuroo realized it, they were standing in front of a gray apartment door. Kenma handed Kuroo his melted iced coffee drink before he fished in his pocket for his key. Kuroo noticed he never let go of his hand, passing the drink to Kuroo to keep his hold on him. He tried not to be happy about it, but it was hard to fight the small smirk that was crawling across his face. He dropped it rather fast, however, when Kenma pulled him in and he was finally closed inside. Kuroo felt nerves and anxiety spike all at once. He really shouldn’t be here, he thought. He was about to change his mind, try and turn to go back out the door he had just came through when he heard it. 

“KENMA!! You’re back already?” Kuroo knew the loud voice, he hadn’t heard it in a long time, though. Well, not in person anyways. Kenma spoke up, while Kuroo stood frozen. “Yeah, I am back, Ryuu. I told you I was just getting something and then coming home. You knew it wouldn’t take long, idiot.” Home, Kuroo thought. This was Kenma’s home. His home with fucking Tanaka. He swallowed hard, mouth feeling suddenly dry.

“Hey! Don’t be mean, Kitty Cat. No need for name calling. So, what’s up? How was... class?” Tanaka had made his way into the living room at that moment, freezing mid-sentence to stare at Kuroo with wide eyes. Kuroo could tell he was totally shocked. “What... The... Fuck?” were the next words out of Tanaka’s mouth. He quickly turned his gaze to Kenma, arching a brow. Kenma wasted no time with a response. “Chill out, Ryuu. We ran into each other, literally. I asked him if he wanted to hang out for a bit. It’s not a big deal, so don’t make it one, yeah?” Tanaka burst out laughing and all Kuroo could do was stare. This had been a terrible idea. Kuroo blamed it on his current state of mind as of late. He knew better than this. He needed to leave.

“Me make a big deal? I would never, Lord  KodzuKen .” Kuroo watched as Tanaka bowed to Kenma, trying not to laugh. Tanaka stood to his full height and turned his attention back to Kuroo. “So, how  ya been City Boy? Break any hearts lately?” Kuroo fixed Tanaka with a glare, truly appalled by what he had just asked. It was clear Tanaka didn’t plan on playing nice, even with Kenma right there in front of him. Kuroo remembered how hot headed and problematic Tanaka had been in high school; he knew his response could go one of two ways. He had to show him that he wasn’t going to take his shit, but he didn’t want a fight either. “Are you ever going to drop the city boy shit, Tanaka? I’ve been better, personally. How about yourself? It’s been a long time.” Kuroo could have teased Tanaka more, but he really wasn’t looking for a fight, or to make things anymore awkward than they already were. He also didn’t want to piss Kenma off. This was his friend and roommate, after all.

Tanaka put his hands on his hips, tilting his head back to fix Kuroo with a glare of his own. “Oh, I’ve been great.” He then spoke to Kenma, keeping his eyes trained on Kuroo. “Well, I will leave you to it, Bro. If you need me, though, just yell.  Ya know I am always down to kick some ass if it’s needed.” Kenma tried not to laugh and rolled his eyes. “Yeah, thanks Ryuu. I will be fine.” Before Kuroo could say another word, Kenma was pulling him across the room to a door. 

Kuroo was shoved into Kenma’s room, barely having time to take in the space in front of him before he was pulled out of his head by the click of the door and the thump of Kenma throwing his back against it. Kuroo turned around and took in the sight of his oldest friend laughing quietly. He took his time watching Kenma, memorizing every single new detail incase this was the last time. He still had that soft look to him, but Kuroo knew him enough to know better. Kenma wasn’t soft. His appearance was deceiving. Kenma was the type of person that could take a little pushing, but once he had had enough, he pushed back and usually was a force to be reckoned with once he reached that state. Kuroo smiled at the sight of Kenma pushing his hand through his dark hair, taking a deep breath to calm the laughter. Not much had changed, he thought. Before he knew what was happening, he had reached out to take a piece of the dark hair between his fingers, marveling at it. “I like this.” he said quietly, almost to himself. He then felt the sharp eyes on him and the room fell into silence. He let the piece of hair slip out of his fingers and dropped the hand by his side. Kuroo felt pinned to the spot he was standing by those eyes. He opted for staring at the floor, not being able to look at Kenma any longer. “Um... Sorry.” he mumbled, not having anything better to say.

“It’s fine. Anyways, um, sorry about Ryuu. I didn’t expect him to say that to you. He is kind of unpredictable, though. Ignore him.” Kenma laughed again and walked past Kuroo, taking a seat on his bed in the corner of the room. Kuroo felt like he couldn’t move. Hell, he couldn’t even think straight. This was all too much, too soon. He needed to just go. He could feel those eyes boring into his back; he felt like he couldn’t even breath anymore. “Are you going to just stand there, or sit down? Don’t tell me you are seriously afraid to be in the same room with me after all this time.” Jolted by that, Kuroo felt his feet move, he sat in a desk chair, hoping it was far enough away from Kenma so he wouldn’t do something stupid again. He rubbed a hand over his face, feeling exhausted. He wiped his hands on his jeans, trying to calm down just a little. He could do this. He hoped he could do this.

“You really are freaking out, aren’t you? Why? It’s just me, Kuroo.” He felt himself chuckle and shake his head. There was so much he wanted to say but he couldn’t find any of the words. He decided it was best to just focus on the questions Kenma asked and answer them. “I am not freaking out... maybe? Okay, yeah, I am freaking out.” He looked up to see Kenma watching him, full of curiosity. He was waiting for Kuroo to continue, so he did. “I don’t know why, okay? I just... it’s a lot. I didn’t wake up today expecting to run into you. I most definitely was not expecting to be here... in your home. It’s a lot.” 

Kenma let a small smile play on his lips and Kuroo couldn’t drag his eyes away. “Just calm down, okay. I’ve never seen you so, hm, flustered? Unsure? You look like you want to run, honestly.” Kenma cocked his head to the side, looking like a feline observing  its prey. 

I do want to run, Kuroo thought, but I can’t. Why the hell are you still so preceptive? “The thought had crossed my mind, but I don’t think I would get very far before realizing how stupid that would be and inevitably hating myself for it.” Kenma didn’t speak, he just observed Kuroo. He knew he was being picked apart by Kenma. It was unsettling, but it was something Kuroo had been used to. It was normal. Kenma was reading him and whatever he found, he would use to make the interaction easier. This didn’t have to be hard, Kuroo told himself. Just breathe. It’s just Kenma. He took to repeating that in his head, surprised that it was actually calming his nerves. He was completely over reacting. How pathetic, he thought.

Kenma kept his eyes on Kuroo. He was sitting in his desk chair on the other side of the room, barely able to make eye contact. This was odd. Kenma hadn’t expected Kuroo to be so... so panicked? Maybe that wasn’t the right word. He wasn’t sure what to call this. He had never seen Kuroo this way. He looked unsure of himself, and that was unsettling to Kenma. He watched as Kuroo fiddled with his jeans and his fingers. Kenma was trying to decide how to fix this situation. He didn’t like seeing Kuroo like this.

Kuroo finally spoke without Kenma having to start the conversation, “So, when did you start streaming?” Kenma considered the question, thinking back to when he had started. “Hm, a few months back; almost six months ago. I gained a lot of subs pretty fast. I even make money off of doing it now.” Kuroo watched him, clearly thinking. 

“You seem happy with it; streaming I mean.” Kenma thought about that response. He knew that Kuroo had meant that Kenma had seemed happy with life in general, not just with streaming. Did he really think Kenma had been completely unbothered the past year? Good grief. “I like it well enough. I mean it is gaming after all, and I make money doing it. So, yes you could say I am happy with streaming. It is pretty exhausting, though. I put a lot of work into it.”

Kenma crossed his legs, leaning forward on his knees. He was really taking in Kuroo’s appearance fully for the first time that day. He looked tired.  Akaashi had said he hadn’t been sleeping well lately. Kuroo also looked like he hadn’t been eating much either. His clothes looked like he needed to drop down to a smaller size. 

“When are you planning to stream tonight? I don’t have to stay and watch. I don’t want to mess you up or be in the way.” Kenma fought the urge to roll his eyes. He wasn’t in the way. “I actually don’t think I will do a stream tonight.” Kuroo looked shocked and immediately started apologizing. “I am sorry. I can go. You always do them on Friday nights, so I don’t want you to miss one just because of me.” Kenma watched him stand up rather fast and seem to question what to do next. Kuroo was unsure of himself and was unravelling. Kenma bit his lip, waiting for the moment he would go into a full panic attack. He wondered if  Akaashi and  Bokuto realized just how off Kuroo really was, because this was turning out to be worse than  Akaashi had describe and Kenma could tell just by looking at him.

“I... Um, I’m going to go, okay? I will see you around, Kenma.” Kenma could hear the shaking in Kuroo’s voice as he watched him turn around and walk toward the door. Kuroo grabbed the knob, pulling it open and Kenma was already there behind him, pushing it back closed.

“Kuroo.” Kenma said the name quietly. Kuroo didn’t turn to face him, didn’t answer and didn’t let go of the doorknob. “Don’t just leave. I’m not going to do the stream no matter if you are here or not. My head Isn't in the right place for it today.” Still nothing. No response. Kenma took his hand and placed it over Kuroo’s, removing his grip on the knob. “Kuroo, just come sit back down, okay?” He watched Kuroo turn to face him. When their eyes met, Kenma could see the pain in Kuroo’s. He wished there was something he could do to fix it. 

All his thoughts stalled in his mind as Kuroo reached up to touch his hair again. “Kenma... I can’t. I want to... God, I don’t want to leave this room, but I can’t be here. I can’t pretend that I deserve to sit across from you.” Kenma was frozen. He watched as a tear slid down Kuroo’s cheek, fingers still playing with his hair. “This... Being here with you is hard for me. It’s not your fault. I just... There’s no peace, Kenma. I can’t get it out of my head. It’s all I think about.” He pulled Kenma to his chest, wrapping one arm around his back and the other cupping the back of his head. Kenma was sure he was crying. He stayed still and let Kuroo hold onto him. “I am so sorry.” He felt Kuroo kiss the top of his head before bringing both his hands to the sides of Kenma’s face. Kuroo placed another kiss right on his forehead, apologizing once again. “I am sorry, Kenma.” Before Kenma could stop him, he was out the door and gone. 

Kenma stood alone in his room. He stared at the open door until he saw Ryuu appear in front of him. “Kenma what happened?” Kenma wasn’t sure. He hadn’t thought Kuroo would leave.  ”I. .. I’m not sure, Ryuu. I think I need to call  Akaashi or  Bokuto , though.” Kenma pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed his friends, hoping they would pick up.


	7. A Stare That Can Pierce Your Soul

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tanaka stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. He really didn’t like the idea of that scheming rooster head being here with Kenma, but he knew to leave well enough alone. If Kenma needed him, he would tell him. He just hoped they could try and be friends again at least. Not for the rooster head’s sake, but for Kenma’s. He knew how much Kenma missed Kuroo, even if he would never admit to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kenma Protection Squad, Assemble! No, for real... Who wouldn't protect Kenma? 
> 
> Here, we have a whole chapter with Tanaka's POV. Let me just say, I am living for Tanaka giving Kuroo so much shit! 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy. :)

Tanaka stood in the kitchen, leaning against the counter. He really didn’t like the idea of that scheming rooster head being here with Kenma, but he knew to leave well enough alone. If Kenma needed him, he would tell him. He just hoped they could try and be friends again at least. Not for the rooster head’s sake, but for Kenma’s. He knew how much Kenma missed Kuroo, even if he would never admit to it. He had seen Kenma struggle with the break up. It was devastating to watch. Tanaka had even called Hinata regularly for advice on how to handle the entire situation. He wasn’t use to Kenma’s mood swings and he hadn’t known just how quick Kenma could lash out. The months to get Kenma back to himself had been long and hard, but Tanaka had managed to pull Kenma out of his turmoil with the help of Kiyoko and Hinata. 

He heard the door open, but shut immediately after, pulling him out of the past and into the present. He went around the counter, seeing if anyone was in the living room, but nothing. He turned to head back into the kitchen but stopped as the door came flying open and that idiot Kuroo came walking out. Tanaka watched him shove his feet into his shoes, and exit the apartment in a hurry. The door opened again and his eyes landed on his beautiful girlfriend. 

“Um, is there as reason Tetsurou was just fleeing our home, with tears? Please tell me you didn’t fight him, Ryu?” Tanaka approached her, laughed slightly before kissing her forehead. “No, Babe. I didn’t fight him. But he was crying? Seriously?” He watched as she fixed him with a stare, trying to be for sure he hadn’t been the cause of this situation. “Yes, crying. He didn’t even see me when he walked past.” At that, Tanaka turned toward Kenma’s bedroom to see him standing in the door way, clearly shocked. He was staring at nothing. Tanaka rushed over to him. 

“Kenma, what happened?” Tanaka watched as his friend seemed to be wondering the same thing. “I... I’m not sure, Ryuu. I think I need to call  Akaashi and Bokuto, though.” He watched Kenma pull out his phone, dialing his friends. He reached forward and placed his hand on top of Kenma’s head. “Yeah, good idea. I will be back.” Tanaka turned and made his way to Kiyoko; he kissed her fast and made his way to the door. “Ryu, don’t do anything stupid. Please.” He huffed a sigh, thinking about how well she knew him. “I promise you. I just want to talk to him. Nothing will happen. Keep an eye on Kenma.” and with that, he was out the door.

It took about fifteen minutes to find Kuroo. He hadn’t got very far; probably because he had been crying, Tanaka thought. He didn’t know if Kuroo would even talk to him, but he felt like he had to try. He had to for Kenma. He wasn’t great at this kind of thing, but he was better than he had been in high school. He silently started preparing what to say as he approached Kuroo. He really hoped that they could both talk without getting into an argument, or pissing each other off too much. That was going to be tough with Kuroo always needing to have the last word, which was usually delivered in a tone that rubbed Tanaka the wrong way. Just be nice, be nice for Kenma’s sake. Tanaka kept telling himself that over and over, fingers crossed he didn’t make the situation worse.

Before he knew it, he found himself seated on the grass in front of the park that was not far up the street from his apartment. Kuroo didn’t seem to spare him a glance as he sat down beside him, taking up space. Tanaka wondered what was going on in the other man’s head, wondered who the hell in their right mind would walk out on Kenma. That wasn’t his place to judge, though.  Instead, he shoved those thoughts aside and decided to break the silence between them, hoping for the best.

“Do you run away from all your problems, or is it just the ones that are short with black hair and a stare that can literally pierce your soul?” Maybe that wasn’t the best conversation opener, but he wouldn’t be him if he didn’t make a little jab at Kuroo. He cut his eyes to the side, watching Kuroo through his  peripheral . 

“What do you want, Tanaka?” Kuroo  answered , short and to the point. Tanaka rolled his eyes. “I clearly asked you a question. So, how’s about an answer first. Then we can get to what I want.” Kuroo scoffed at that, clearly not in the mood. He watched him wipe his eyes, then resting his face on his hand. 

“To answer your question, you complete ass, I guess I run away from everything nowadays. Especially if it is short, with dark hair and soul piercing eyes; as you so accurately stated. Look, if you are here to defend Kenma, or whatever, don’t bother. I will leave him alone.” Tanaka burst out laughing, earning him a glare from hell itself. When he finally quieted down, he slapped a hand on Kuroo’s back and fixed his eyes on him. “You think I need to come defend Kenma? Really? Wow, you have been away for a while if you think he needs me to defend him. You should know him better than that. Anyways, I don’t want you to leave him alone. That isn’t a call I get to make.” Kuroo just stared at him, wordlessly. Tanaka smirked, then continued. “Even if I could make that call, I wouldn’t. You and Kenma... Well, you aren’t you without  each other. ” He watched as Kuroo dropped his head, staring at the ground.

“He is better without me. Anyone with eyes can see that. I don’t get to sit there and have him in my life after the shit I did. I don’t deserve to.” It was Tanaka’s turn to glare, and he did before he rolled his eyes. That was something he had picked up from Kenma. “You both are ridiculously, ridiculous. This poor pitiful me shit is fucking stupid. So, cut it out, now. I won’t listen to it and to be honest, it’s pissing me off.” He paused, waiting for an objection or argument. When none came, he bit his lip, then continued. “Look Rooster head,  Ya fucked up a year ago. However, from what I was told, so did the Kitty cat. There is nothing that says you two can’t fix it. What’s one stupid kiss compared to years of friendship, years of being team mates and years of being in love? One kiss doesn’t get to destroy that. You are being stupid. Kenma was to, until I had a talk with him. If he is willing to try and move past all that sad shit, why can’t you?” Tanaka sat there, waiting. He hoped he hadn’t pushed too hard. He figured that if Kenma could handle it, so could this idiot. He wasn’t too worried. 

Kuroo stayed quiet for a while and so did Tanaka. He was starting to think maybe he needed to say something else, or yell at Kuroo some to get some sort of reaction. Before he could start up a rant, Kuroo decided to speak, though, and Tanaka was thankful the silence was being filled. 

“He’s really willing to let it go? Are you sure about that?” Another eye roll, then Tanaka followed up with a nod. He wanted to keep Kuroo talking. “Well, if you are right, then I guess I just fucked up again by leaving. That’s great.” Kuroo shoved his hands through his messy hair, cutting his eyes at Tanaka. “It was just too much earlier. He was watching me and I wanted to hug him, but knew I couldn’t and... I just - panicked. I know that sounds stupid, but I am not in a great place right now and it was just too much.”

Tanaka had a lot of thoughts about what had happened, but that wasn’t one of them. That was so unlike the Kuroo he remembered. He stared at the man in question, shocked at how much he had changed. He realized he looked sad. His thoughts were halted as Kuroo looked at him again.

“I was surprised you know?” Tanaka hummed, urging him to continue. “I was surprised when I realized Kenma had ended up living with you. You were the last person I would have ever thought he would be sharing an apartment with.” Tanaka laughed again. “Yeah? Well, it wasn’t just me. Kiyoko lives there as well. That’s probably the only reason he stays. She tends to baby him.” 

Kuroo chuckled. “I can picture that. I am glad he had you both; glad that he wasn’t alone. I don’t think I could bare knowing he was alone all this time. I know a year doesn’t seem like much, but it feels like an eternity when you are heart broken.” Tanaka nodded, realizing Kenma hadn’t been the only one suffering for a year. He felt like Kuroo had been living his own personal hell. 

He placed a hand on Kuroo’s shoulder, huffing a sigh. “You  wanna come back with me? We can all order take out and hang out. It will be fun, promise.” Kuroo smiled, but shook his head. “I... That’s probably a bad idea. I think I need to just go back home for today, maybe think things over.” Scoffing, Tanaka shook his head. “Just stop being a cry baby and come back. You know, Kenma kind of freaked out when you left. I swear he won’t pick you apart with his eyes if we all are in the same room.” Kuroo froze at that and he seemed to be remembering something.

“Fucking hell... I kissed him.” Tanaka felt his eyes bulge. “You what? You mean to tell me you see him for the first time in a year and your first thought is ‘ Ohoho , let me lay one on him  really quick’? Are you that fucking stupid? No wonder he was just starring off like a creep.” 

“I didn’t kiss him on the lips, dumbass! I kissed his head, and left.” Tanaka fought an urge to laugh. “Rooster head, do you realize just how totally fucked you are? Kenma will eat you alive if you aren’t careful. I don’t know if you can handle him and all his greatness.” Tanaka did laugh then, and loudly. Earning himself a hard shove to the shoulder. “Are you coming back with me or not?” He sputtered out between breaths. “Or are you scared the kitty cat will sink his claws in you so deep, you won’t survive?” 

With that, Tanaka got up, pulling Kuroo with him. Not giving him a chance to refuse. He pushed him forward, toward the apartment, smiling to himself about having accomplished bringing Kuroo back. He couldn’t wait to see how proud Kiyoko would be that he had handled it all without having to threaten Kuroo.


	8. Kiyoko, Marry Me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No summary for this chapter because there are three POVs and I didn't know how exactly to summarize it. 
> 
> We have Kuroo up first, then Kenma, followed by Tanaka. :) I really liked this chapter and enjoyed writing it. Especially Kuroo's part. 
> 
> Hope anyone that reads enjoys it as well. Happy reading.

This was the second time today that Kuroo had been drug along to an apartment that was not his. Tanaka was taking a more brutal approach than Kenma did, however. He was practically shoving Kuroo to the door at this point. Finally having enough, Kuroo dug his heels in and stopped, turning around and fixing Tanaka with a glare.

“Why in the hell do you keep pushing me? I can walk just fine, you idiot.” Tanaka stopped, hands on hips, looking ready to kill. “Oho, can you, now? Sure, seemed like to me you needed the push since you didn’t want to come in the first place and you ran out like a coward earlier. Time to  nut up or shut up, city boy! The doors right there. Think you can handle opening it, or should I shove your ass through it?” 

How in the hell did anyone put up with this bastard, Kuroo thought? Poor Kenma. No, poor Kiyoko. She was the one actually dating this lunatic. How the hell did she keep him in line? Rolling his eyes at the utter nonsense Tanaka had spewed from his mouth, Kuroo turned around to open the door. It was unlocked, probably because they had been waiting for Tanaka to return. As soon as it was opening, Tanaka literally shoved Kuroo through the door. Kuroo stumbled through with a grunt, barely catching himself before falling flat on his face. He heard the culprit laughing his ass off behind him, but rose up to be met with a very amused Kiyoko.

“I see you found him, Ryu. I don’t think it was necessary to push him through the door, though. You didn’t have to come back, you know that right, Tetsurou? I hope Ryu didn’t twist your arm, literally or figuratively.” Again, Kuroo wondered how in the hell someone like Tanaka had got such an angel of a person to love him. “I decided to come back actually. I hope that is okay?” He felt a hand clap him on the shoulder and heard that damn laugh again. “I told you it would be fine. Babe, where’s Kenma?” Tanaka asked Kiyoko. Her smile dropped, but nothing was readable on her features. Kuroo felt panic rising in his chest. Had he caused Kenma to be upset? Was Kenma mad?

“He is in his room. He talked to  Bokuto and  Akaashi , then said to let him know when you got back.” Kuroo instantly felt terrible. He had caused Kenma to worry enough that he had felt the need to get their friends involved, not to mention Tanaka going on a hunt for him after he had left. He sighed heavily, dropping his gaze. He felt Kiyoko gently touch his arm, “Tetsurou, it’s okay. He is fine. He was just worried about you. We talked after Ryu went after you; he really is okay, just concerned. You can go in if you want?” He felt Tanaka push him, lighter this time and he turned to face him. “Would you stop pushing me? Maybe you should go in and check first. He likes you better than me at this point.” Tanaka and Kiyoko both laughed. Kuroo just shook his head. “I swear, Tanaka, you are going to be the bane of my existence. To think, Kenma use to call me insufferable. You are so much worse!” The laughter got louder and Kuroo slowly approached the door. He turned to see the couple urging him to knock on it. Turning back, he raised his hand only to hear Tanaka threaten to shove him through the door if he didn’t hurry the hell up. So, he knocked, waiting for permission to open it. 

Kuroo heard a muffled “come in” from the other side of the door. He took a deep breath, slowly twisting the knob as Tanaka said “Remember, he’ll eat you alive if you aren’t careful.” He rolled his eyes and walked through the door, hoping Tanaka was joking.

Kuroo walked in expecting to end up face to face with Kenma. He wasn’t all that surprised to find him face down on his bed, head buried in the pillows. He smiled, thinking to himself that somethings never change. He reached his hand back, pushing the door closed before making his way back to the chair at the desk. Kenma never moved, nor did he raise his head. Kuroo thought he might have been asleep, or maybe he just didn’t think it was Kuroo that had come into the room. Either way, he stayed quiet, waiting to see what he would do.

He started slowly spinning in the chair, finding that it calmed him. He was leaning back, face tilted to the ceiling when he heard Kenma grunt into the pillows, followed by a muffled “damnit!”. Still, he stayed silent, continuing to spin the chair. 

“I need you to tell me that this isn’t as fucked up as it seems, Ryuu. Tell me that I can still have some sort of relationship with him without all this awkwardness; without him running away every damn time he sees me.” Kuroo stopped spinning, attention completely on Kenma now. “One year without seeing each other and he can’t even sit in a room with me and have a conversation. Please, tell me this isn’t a lost cause because I swear...” Kenma didn’t finish what he had been saying, but Kuroo had a feeling he knew what he was getting at. He sat there finding his words, digging nails into his palms, forcing himself to speak.

“It’s not a lost cause. It is a bit awkward, maybe fucked up... but it isn’t a lost cause.” Kuroo watched as Kenma flung his body over, sitting straight up. He was all wide eyed, his hair clearly messy like he had been shoving his fingers through it. He looked at Kuroo, pure shock in his expression. He noticed his cheeks start to pink up, clearly embarrassed from the questions he had meant for Tanaka, but that ended up directed to Kuroo. 

“I thought you were Ryuu.” Kuroo felt a smirk slide across his face, chuckling lightly. “I know, sorry for not speaking up when I came in. I just figured you were thinking, or sleeping, so I wasn’t trying to interrupt you.” Kenma smiled. It was more of a grin, a small turn of his lips that Kuroo hadn’t seen in a while. “So, I take it Ryuu found you then?” Kuroo nodded, watching Kenma grab his phone, sending a text. He placed it back on the bed when he was done, the grin returning as his eyes went back to Kuroo. 

“Sorry, I had to text  Akaashi .  Bokuto was sort of freaking out after I told them we had ran into each other, and that you had left.” He paused, clearly deciding what to say to Kuroo next. “Decide to come back and hangout with me, or did Ryuu threaten you?” 

Kuroo laughed. “Kiyoko asked the same thing. He didn’t threaten me, but he did shove me around on the walk back. He also pushed me through the front door, almost causing me to fall all over Kiyoko.” Kenma laughed at that and Kuroo was enraptured by the sound of it. 

“I am sorry about that. I wish I could have saw it, though. The banter between you two has to be even better than it was at training camp in high school.” Kuroo smiled. He was glad Tanaka’s dumbass had shoved him all the way back, otherwise he wouldn’t be having this moment with Kenma. The conversation flowing easily, the laughs and small smiles shared between them. Tanaka was a dumbass, but Kuroo was grateful for this. He knew he’d have to thank him before the night was over. 

“Don’t apologize. He just talked some sense into me. I have to say I am slightly offended that you always told me I was insufferable, and now you live with someone that has to be a million times worse than I was. Please tell me you give him as much shit as you always did me when I was getting on your nerves.” Kenma laughed again and Kuroo knew he owed Tanaka more than just a simple thank you at this point, although he hated to admit it.

“You both are insufferable. I can’t imagine having to be in the same room as you, him, Hinata and  Bokuto . I think I might actually loose brain cells, or go insane. But yes, I give him just as much shit as I gave you. However, he threatens to call Hinata every time I threaten him with bodily harm. So, technically you might have suffered worse. Sorry.” The sorry was dripping with sarcasm and Kuroo realized that yes, kitty cat had claws, as Tanaka liked to put it. He knew by the smile on Kenma’s face that Tanaka had been right, Kuroo was totally fucked.

Kenma was shocked, but so relieved that Kuroo had come back with Ryuu. He didn’t know how Ryuu had managed to get Kuroo back to their apartment, but he had a pretty good idea. Ryuu wasn’t someone you could say no to. That was part of the reason he had got Kenma to be his friend. He was so damn persistent and tenacious; especially when it was something he really wanted. So, here they both sat, face to face again, thanks to Ryuu. Kenma was happy.

“So, since you came back, would you like to stay for dinner? I think we were going to get take out, or something, and watch some kind of movie. Who knows what that will be if Ryuu gets to  pick. ” Kenma regarded Kuroo as he waited for his decision. He hoped he would stay but he wasn’t going to bet on it considering he had to be chased down twice already. He wanted Kuroo to stop running. He was willing Kuroo to stay with his stare, hoping it got through to him. 

“I think I will stay, if that’s okay? Tanaka already asked, but I thought that maybe we should talk first before I decided. I can stay, though.” Kenma smiled, dropping his head slightly, suddenly feeling shy for no reason. “It’s fine. I am glad you didn’t bolt for the door as soon as I asked. If you would have attempted an escape for a third time, I definitely would have taken you out at the knees.” Kenma laughed as Kuroo’s eyes got impossibly wide. He wasn’t completely serious with the threat, but he did think Kuroo leaving again would have resulted in Kenma throwing something at his head on his way out.

“Hmm, Tanaka really was right; you do have claws.” Kuroo held up both hands, fingers curled like they were prepared to scratch and made a hissing noise. Kenma glared and chunked his pillow at his face. “Try that again and I will show you claws. You and Ryuu together under one roof might just be the stupidest idea I have ever had. I may not survive this.” Throwing his head back with and exasperated sigh, Kenma got up and made his way to the door. He glanced at Kuroo, “You coming? Or do I need to get Ryuu to shove you from one room to the next?” Kuroo laughed, standing up. Kenma looked up at him, letting an old feeling bubble up inside him. He tried to ignore it, but he knew that was useless. Kenma loved Kuroo, and apparently, he was still in love with him. “Please, no! I seriously thought he had come to kick my ass earlier. I am right behind you, willingly.” Kenma laughed, pushing those feelings from his head and heart as they made their way to the living room. 

Pulling his girlfriend up into his lap, Tanaka pressed his face her hair inhaling deeply. “Do you think they are alright in there?” Kiyoko asked him. He tossed the question around, considering. “I think they will be fine, Babe. Especially if Rooster head stops blaming himself, stops running away and stops being a giant idiot.” Kiyoko laughed, and hugged him tighter. Tanaka pulled her closer and kissed her head. “Try not to be so hard on him. All that matters is that they are actually talking. Hopefully, with some time, things will work themselves out. We just need to be supportive, of both of them.” Tanaka laughed at her emphasis on the word both, knowing she wouldn’t accept anything less than his best behavior on this. “I promise I will be good, to both of them. I’m not going to lay off City Boy completely, though.” Kiyoko looked up at him, smiling. She pulled him down into a quick kiss. When she pulled away, she smiled and Tanaka knew that he had to be the luckiest man in the world. “I wouldn’t expect anything less. You wouldn’t be you if you stopped poking fun at others.” He gave her a smile, kissing her again. He felt her tongue slip past his lips and he immediately opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. 

They were fully making out when he heard someone clear their throat. They pulled away, Kiyoko blushing and avoiding eye contact. “Well, it was taking you two forever in there, so this is really no one's fault but your own.” Tanaka said easily, smiling devilishly at Kenma. His smile was returned with an eye roll. “Whatever. I blame you and no one else.” Kenma deadpanned at him. Kiyoko laughed, getting up and making her way to the kitchen asking, “What do you guys want to order?” She came back with several take-out menus and placed them all on the coffee table before  resuming her spot on his lap while Kenma and Kuroo took  a seat on the other side of the large sectional couch.

It wasn’t long till they were all sitting around with their food, Kenma and Kiyoko fighting Tanaka over what movie they were going to watch. Tanaka was surprised when Kenma got up, grabbed a movie and put it in the PlayStation. He turned, controller in hand and shrugged, “We would have been here all night if we waited on you to choose. I picked for you.” The screen lit up and went to the main menu for the movie Pixels. Tanaka groaned. “Not this again! I swear you have watched it so many times that I can quote it verbatim.” He knew Kenma loved this movie. He had watched it several times with him, but it was really Kenma that could easily quote it, especially all the funny lines. He was pulled out of his whining when Kuroo finally spoke up. “I have never seen it, actually, so it’s fine.” Tanaka looked at him grudgingly. “Of course, you would be the one person that hasn’t seen this damn movie.” He watched Kuroo shrug his shoulders, as Kenma spoke up. “He is like you, Ryuu. He has terrible taste in movies.”  Kiyko and Kenma laughed, while Tanaka watched Kuroo pretend to be hurt. “You wound me, Kenma.” He grabbed his chest, clutching for his heart. Tanaka realized that maybe being friends with Kuroo would be easier than he had thought. He could see some similarities between himself and Kuroo; that was something Kenma had told him once. Kenma had said he was dramatic, insufferable and cocky like Kuroo. Tanaka hadn’t agreed then, but after today he could see it. Well, if it makes Kenma happy I will do It, he thought to himself. He smiled at Kuroo, “Welcome to the “I have been personally victimized by Kenma” Club.” Kenma glared at them both. “I will end the both of you.” Tanaka and Kuroo both raised their hands, fingers curling like claws, before hissing at Kenma. He laughed as Kenma whined, throwing himself back into the couch. “I will ever survive the two of you. Kiyoko, marry me? Let them have each other; at least we will have our sanity.” Tanaka, Kiyoko and Kuroo all burst out laughing, causing Kenma to smash his face into a couch cushion. This was turning out to be better than Tanaka had thought. He knew Kenma was happy and that as all that mattered to him.


	9. Leave It to Me, Buddy Boy!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He kicked his covers off frantically, trying to escape their warmth and exit the bed. He had class in a few hours and needed to start preparing for it. Kenma knew this was going to be difficult with his thoughts elsewhere. His mind was clinging onto Friday and a certain tall, raven haired guy. He hadn’t heard from Kuroo since that night, but it wasn’t like he had expected too either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts in Kuroo's POV, picking up where the chapter eight left off. It will shift to four days later after that, starting with Kenma's POV and then ending with Kuroo's. You will know when it switches, no worries.

Kuroo found himself sitting outside on the steps of the apartment Kenma shared with Tanaka and Kiyoko. It had been a great night after he had come back with Tanaka. The four of them had shared a meal, conversation, laughs and enjoyed a movie. Kenma hadn’t been picking Kuroo apart with his eyes, just like Tanaka had assured him, which had given Kuroo the opportunity to observe Kenma with the friends he had made in his absence. He could tell Tanaka really looked out for Kenma. The dynamic between them was light, full of teasing, and heartwarming. Kuroo could tell Kenma had changed a bit, but not nearly as much as he had thought in the beginning. He was still Kenma, just a bit louder. He had also become quick to react to things, whereas before he seemed to be passive. Kuroo blamed Tanaka’s attitude for that change; he blamed Kiyoko for the fact that Kenma was clearly spoiled and knew exactly what to do to get what he wanted, when he wanted it. For the most part though, Kuroo could see and feel the love between the three of them. He felt his heart swell at the fact Kenma had these two people in his corner. He only felt a tiny stab of pain for the way they had ended up in Kenma’s life to begin with, but he did his best to ignore it. 

Pushing all those thoughts away, he turned to Kenma, watching him before he spoke. “I guess I better get going. Bo and Kaashi are going to kill me.” Kenma wore a small smile, turning his eyes up to stare at Kuroo. “Yeah, I’d say on a scale of one to ten, you’re screwed.” Kuroo laughed at that, knowing Kenma was absolutely right.

“Kuroo?” Kenma spoke, causing Kuroo’s laughter to fade. He just looked at him, waiting for him to continue. “Are you okay? I know I asked earlier today, and I probably shouldn’t ask again, but I need to know.” Kuroo sighed heavily. He looked out across the street before them. Today was the best he had felt in a while, even though it had a very bumpy start, it had turned out great. He dropped his head, staring at the ground between his knees. “I’ll be okay, Kenma. I haven’t been, not for a while, but today was the best day I have had in months. So, I will be okay, eventually. Don’t worry.” Kenma was watching him, gears turning in his mind. No doubt he was searching Kuroo’s face for signs that he had been lying. Finally, Kuroo heard him hum, and he knew he hadn’t found anything but truth in his words.

“We will have to do it again then. My number is still the same, you know? If you disappear again, I will personally send Ryuu to kick your ass. I do know where you live after all.” Kuroo laughed, reaching out to place his hand on Kenma’s head, ruffling his hair. “I will hold you to that, Kitten. I will see you later. Thank you, Kenma, for today.” Kenma rolled his eyes, mumbling a “You’re welcome.” as Kuroo stood and started down the steps. He turned, glancing back to get another look at Kenma. He really was beautiful; his eyes standing out, almost glowing, against the darkness of his black hair that framed his face. Yeah, Kenma was beautiful, anyone with eyes could see that. “My number is still the same, too. In case you were wondering.” Kuroo winked at Kenma, then turned and started towards his apartment, bracing himself for the lecture he would be receiving from the two friends that seemed to think they were his parents. He pulled out his phone, cursing at the amount of text and missed calls from them. “Fucking hell.” He huffed. This was going to be more of an ass chewing than a lecture.

Waking up always seemed to be harder on Mondays for Kenma. It was hard to shake the weekend off and get back into the weekly routine. He loathed Mondays, but he was pretty sure that was a universal concept for most people. This had been why he decided against Monday classes. Therefore, making his actual Monday, a nice Tuesday instead. It didn’t help. Kenma realized rather quickly that Tuesday was actually now his Monday and he had  developed a distaste for both days. 

He kicked his covers off frantically, trying to escape their warmth and exit the bed. He had class in a few hours and needed to start preparing for it. Kenma knew this was going to be difficult with his thoughts elsewhere. His mind was clinging onto Friday and a certain tall, raven haired guy. He hadn’t heard from Kuroo since that night, but it wasn’t like he had expected too either. That first encounter hadn’t been great, although after Kuroo had come back, things had gone a lot smoother. The presence of Ryuu and Kiyoko had helped tremendously. Kenma hated the fact they had needed to be in a setting with others just to interact normally, but it couldn’t be helped. So many things had happened since they had stopped speaking and being a part of each other's daily lives; it was normal for things to be awkward. 

Grabbing some jeans, a shirt and boxers, Kenma made his way to his bathroom to shower. He had slept late enough that he had missed his roommates heading out for their jobs. He was glad, though. He knew they both would have questions, and while Kiyoko wasn’t one to pry usually, she had taken a special interest into digging into this situation. For the past few days, all Kenma had heard from her were questions about what had happened before they all ate together Friday night, if Kenma had heard from Kuroo, if Kenma was going to reach out first, how Kenma was feeling about things with Kuroo and last but certainly the most annoying... If he still loved Kuroo. Kenma had just stared at her when she had asked, Ryuu busting out laughing. Kenma had glared at them both, only causing Ryuu to tell him rather loudly to “go get your man, KodzuKen.” Kenma had made a b-line to his room, slamming the door. 

Kenma stepped under the spray of the hot water, letting it wash over his face. He wet his hair before beginning to wash it. He thought about Kiyoko’s question. He had always loved Kuroo. That had never changed; it probably never would. It wasn’t a question of whether or not he loved him, it was if he was still in love with him. Kenma already knew the answer. He had realized it Friday night. So, the correct question would be, what exactly did he plan to do about it? Sighing heavily, Kenma pushed his hair out of his face, voicing his answer aloud into the shower, “I don’t fucking know what to do.” He hit his fist on the tiles with poor effort, lacking in strength. He shut off the water and got out, drying off. He tried desperately to clear his head and focus on getting dressed, then gathering his things for his Investment Management and Analysis class. He had decided to take it, hoping it would give him some insight into stock trading. He had an interest in it and was wanting more information and understanding before he started to pursue it. The class had been extremely helpful even if it was just an elective course. He enjoyed it. 

He opted for skipping breakfast, making his way out of the house and straight to class. He realized he had unconsciously dressed in all black again. That was okay though. People could assume he was as dark and depressing as his clothing so clearly stated; he didn’t really care either way. All thoughts of Friday and Kuroo forgotten as he walked to class. He should have known it wouldn’t last. He noticed a rather long shadow appear next to his own, he glanced up beside him to be met with the over confident smile of one, Bokuto Koutarou. “Oh joy, it’s you.” He deadpanned at the taller male, earning him a pout in return. “Oh, come on! Act like you are happy to see me, Kenma!” Kenma just ignored him, continuing to walk. He knew any response would only result in  Bokuto whining further and he wasn’t in the mood to deal with it.

“Well, since you are quiet as usual, little ray of sunshine, I will talk. How did Friday go? Kuroo hasn’t told us anything, but I think that’s mostly because he thinks ‘Kaashi is going to murder him.” Kenma made a sound, smiling. “Hm, that sounds about right. Look, everything went fine. Obviously not at first, but it was okay after Ryuu brought him back. I haven’t heard from him, though.” Kenma chanced a quick glance up at Bokuto, trying to read his expression. “I wonder why he hasn’t messaged you? I wasn’t expecting that. Oh well, I have a plan. Don’t you worry, buddy boy! We will all be hanging out together before you know it!” Bokuto slapped his hand on Kenma’s shoulder, causing him to almost fall with the impact. He tried to tell Bokuto that plans weren’t necessary, but he was ignored. “I will see ya later, Kenma! Have a good day and leave it to me!” and just like that, Kenma was alone again. He wondered what sort of hellish plan  Bokuto could come up with. He figured it would be something he hated for sure.

It was mid-afternoon when Kuroo made his way into the coffee shop. He had one more class for the day but it didn’t start for another hour and a half. He figured he would kill some time with a coffee and some of Kenma’s streams. He pulled out his laptop and headphones once he got to his favorite spot by the window. He wondered if Kenma ever did the stream he had put off doing in place of hanging out with Kuroo. He typed in the web address, waiting for the page to load so he could see. Once it pulled up, he scrolled down and there he was met with the most recent post being that Sunday. “Someone’s been busy.”, he said out loud, being a bit surprised. He had figured Kenma would have put it off and just doubled the time on this coming Friday or Saturday, but he should have known better. Kenma had said he made money off of it, so of course he would have made sure to get a stream in. It was a sorce of income for him. He wondered what else Kenma had been up too in their time apart. Kuroo made a mental note to ask next time he saw him. 

He got up to go order his usual drink, thinking he should have done so before he even sat down. As he was waiting on the Barista to finish preparing it, his phone began to buzz in his pocket. He felt a few more buzzes, one right after another, and knew exactly who it was without looking. He paid for his drink and took it back to his table. He  resumed his seat, putting his head phones on before pulling his phone out. Kuroo had been right,  it was  Bokuto . There was a string of messages, waiting for his reply. 

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** Kuroo! What up?

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** Where are you now? I just ran into Kenma.

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** ANSWER ME OR I’M TELLING KAASHI

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** Btw Can I just say... Kenma was looking hot as  fuck.

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** 10 Bucks says you would have drooled.

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** Why haven’t you called him??? I know you still love him. 

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** Don’t worry. Where you have failed, I have succeeded. 

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** FUCKING HELLO! I MADE PLANS FOR ALL OF US. TOGETHER.

** BokuBro ** ** :  ** Call me now or I am telling Kaashi you ignored me again.

Rolling his eyes, he took off his headphones and hit the call button. He did not need another lecture from  Akaashi . Especially not for upsetting Bo and causing  Akaashi to have to deal with it. The phone rang twice and Bo answered, yelling “Hey! Hey! Hey!” Kuroo smiled. At least someone was in a great mood.

“What’s up, Bo? I just read your texts.” Kuroo responded, quick and easy. “Dude! I wish you could have seen Kenma. I mean wow!” Kuroo frowned. “Bo, stop drooling over him. I get it, he looked good. He always does.” That was all Kuroo got to say before  Bokuto interrupted him. “Um, dude! That may be true but today... holy shit. If I wasn’t already so in love with my own beautiful man, I would steal yours.” Kuroo laughed, taking the bait. “Fine. Tell me what was so different about today. What was he wearing?” He could practically hear  Bokuto throwing his fist in the air like he had just spiked a volleyball from the perfect set. He laughed again, waiting for Bokuto to go into detail over Kenma’s outfit.

“So, black is definitely his color and he was decked out in it! The shoes, the shirt, the jeans... Oh! My! God! The jeans Kuroo!! The hair just makes it all so much better.” Kuroo laughed at his friend. “Okay. I get it, he looked good. I told you, he always does. So, tell me about these plans or I am calling Akaashi to tell him you are trying to take Kenma from me.” He listened to  Bokuto suck in air, clearly shocked. 

“Dude! You wouldn’t, would you? I would never pick anyone over Kaashi!” Kuroo smiled, knowing it was the truth. “I was kidding. For real though, the plans? What have you done?”  Bokuto laughed loudly, causing Kuroo to pull the phone away from his ear until he finished. 

“So, Kenma mentioned he hadn’t heard from you, right? So, I just thought I would save both of you crybabies the trouble of reaching out by planning a little get together for all of us. We can even bring Tanaka into it. It will be fun.” Kuroo listened but realized Bokuto hadn’t actually told him the plan.

“That’s all fine and good, but what are we doing?”  Bokuto laughed again. “The only thing we all use to have in common before you all got lazy as shit and left me to carry the torch alone.” Kuroo’s eyes widened. “No, Bo... That is not..” and he was being interrupted again. “OH YEAH BABY! WE ARE PLAYING VOLLEYBALL!” Kuroo slammed his head on the table, spilling some of his drink. He didn’t raise up after hearing several gasps from other customers. God, Kenma was going to be pissed. Akaashi was going to be pissed. Kuroo could just hear the shit Tanaka’s dumbass would be yelling at him. He was going to kick  Bokuto’s ass for this one.

“Don’t you dare start whining, Kuroo! I gave you days to plan something with Kenma yourself. It isn’t my fault I had to do it for you. I think I deserve a ‘thank you’ and some praise for handling your shit for you.”  Bokuto was laughing at him. Kuroo knew he was right, though. He had been a coward; too afraid to call or text Kenma on his own. Maybe this was for the best. “Fine. Thank you, Bo. Just figure out the details and let me know. I will be there and I am sure everyone else will be too.”  Bokuto scoffed. “Damn right they will! Who the hell wouldn’t want to hang out with me? Anyways, see you in a few hours, man! I am going home. I will let Kaashi know what’s up.” and with that, Bokuto hung up. 

Kuroo lifted his head, putting his phone into his pocket. He had enough time to watch part of Kenma’s last stream, so he did. Doing his best to ignore the eyes on him. This could be fun, he thought. He just hoped Kenma would be up for it. Maybe he would want to set for him again. He thought maybe he would text him once he got  finished with his last class of the day. Maybe by then he wouldn’t be afraid.

His thoughts drifted away, ears filling with Kenma’s voice. “What’s up, Kitty Cats? Sorry for the delay, but I am sure all will be forgiven when I give you the juicy details of my day Friday before we dive into some game time. You will not believe who I ran into.” Kuroo smiled, all fears melting away. Maybe Kenma actually wanted to see him too. Friday had been great once he had come back. Suddenly not texting Kenma, or calling him, had become a stupid idea. Kuroo felt like an idiot. “You guessed it,  thyARTisTen ! It indeed was the childhood bestie. Don’t laugh, but he ran from me... twice. So, after the third time, I threatened to take his knees out if he tried again and he stayed. I was totally joking, though. It was a great Friday over all, even if the start was shit. The end is what matters. Am I right?” Kuroo couldn’t have agreed more. He smiled, feeling his chest explode with warmth from the amount of love he held in his heart for this gamer boy. Once again, he realized he was totally fucked because he would do anything in the world to see Kenma happy. He pulled his phone back out, scrolling to the message thread he hadn’t deleted in a year.

** Me:  ** Hey Kitten. Sorry for not texting sooner. What’s up?

It took a few minutes, but as Kuroo was packing up his stuff to leave for his final class, he felt his phone buzz. He grabbed it, maybe a little too fast. He swiped his finger across the screen, unlocking it.

** Kitten<3:  ** Hi. You’re good, no big deal. I am just finishing up with my last class for today, fucking finally.

Kuroo laughed at the fact Kenma had cussed in his text. He quickly typed out a reply.

** Me:  ** Oho, big words for such a small Kitten. Shame on you. Lol. I am heading to my last class of the day, but maybe tomorrow we can meet up or something. Bo has apparently made plans for us all.

The response was quicker this time. He figured Kenma was about to go on a rant about Bokuto.

** Kitten<3:  ** Oh, he told me. No idea what those plans are but I have a feeling it is going to make me question my existence. You can blame yourself and Ryuu for the explicit vocabulary. It’s both of your faults.

Hmm, such a smartass, Kuroo thought. Kenma always had been quick with a comeback.

** Me:  ** Oh, you’re  gonna love it! Lol. I am placing that blame fully on Tanaka. He’s the corrupt one.

Kuroo was finally at his class. Taking his seat, he read Kenma’s reply and typed out his own.

** Kitten<3:  ** You say that, but we both know you corrupted me in more ways than one long before Ryuu was ever in the picture. Nice try!  😉

Kuroo was not prepared for that. Not at all. He swallowed, throat feeling dry suddenly.

** Me:  ** Tanaka said you would eat me alive if I wasn’t careful. Guess I should have listened. I’m at class now, so going to be a while before I respond. 

He hadn’t expected a response, but he got one. He wished he would have texted Kenma a lot sooner.

** Kitten<3:  ** Guess you should have. He was right you know... I just might.  😊 Enjoy your class, Kuroo. 

He felt himself swallow again. Kenma was going to be the death of him, but he was willing to accept his fate. He thought this class couldn’t end fast enough. He should just get up and leave now. It wasn’t like he was going to be able to focus on anything but the underlying meaning of Kenma’s text. 

Almost two hours later, his head was still elsewhere, but class was over. He grabbed his things, heading for home. He needed a cold shower, food and something else to think about or he would never be able to survive another conversation with Kenma. This, whatever it was, was going to be so much harder than he thought.


	10. Top Ten Reasons to Date Kuroo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenma had to fight the urge to just go home, but he stopped himself when he heard Kuroo’s voice rise, clearly frustrated. So, Kenma’s legs moved on their own. This time carrying him to the two people, instead of away from them. He wished he would have done this a year ago. He saw when Kuroo spotted him, eyes becoming wider with every step that brought Kenma closer. It didn’t take long for Kaori to notice Kuroo’s attention elsewhere, turning to see what he had been staring at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've waited a week to post this chapter. I was unsure with it at first, but I just enjoyed writing it so much that I couldn't not post it. I also didn't want to change it. I know a lot of people think of Kenma's character as soft and with the type of anxiety that will cause him to break down and cry at any given moment... But I disagree. No one can tell me that Kenma isn't ready to throw hands at any given moment! This was best said on a TikTok I saw. (The users name was @jackofwonders) Their words were "Kenma has the look at me the wrong way and you're fixing to catch this fade type of anxiety, not the scream at me and I'm going to cry anxiety." They were telling straight up FACTS!!
> 
> You can blame that TikTok for this chapter. I am pro feral Kenma! So, get ready for him to go off. :) Also, his reaction in this chapter some how reminds me of Oikawa... Well, the Oikawa in all the IwaOi Fics that are taking over my damn life!! 
> 
> Anyways, enjoy Kenma's POV. :)

The next two days had passed by rather fast, Kenma thought. It was already Thursday afternoon, and he was about to head out to meet Kuroo. They had been texting each other, on and off, since Tuesday and had made plans to get lunch after their classes let out. He had a few more minutes until he would be out the door. He was too caught up in his thoughts to hear the last bit of what his Professor had said, but he didn’t miss the loud and clear dismissal. Quickly grabbing up his belongings and packing them up, Kenma thought he might be a little too excited about this. He couldn’t help but be excited, though. He had missed Kuroo. Their conversations the last few days had been as close to their normal as they could get; flowing easily and light. Kenma just hoped that it would be the same in person. He threw his bag over his shoulder and headed out the doors, making his way to the exit.

It took Kenma about five minutes to get to where Kuroo had suggested they meet. He glanced around looking for him. It didn’t take long to spot the messy bed head with long legs. Kenma quickly stood back out of sight, observing instead of approaching, once he realized Kuroo wasn’t alone. His first observation was that Kuroo looked extremely annoyed. The other person was clearly invading his personal space, causing Kenma to shudder at the thought. He hated when people couldn’t respect personal boundaries. It was something Kuroo use to prevent people from doing to Kenma. Always quick to deter anyone that made Kenma uncomfortable. He wondered now if he should do the same. Kenma started to step forward, but came to a stop when he realized just who it was next to Kuroo. 

Kaori turned, short blonde hair swaying with her movements. Kenma could tell she was mad, but her anger paled in comparison to what Kenma was feeling.  Akaashi had told him that this was who Kuroo had cheated on Kenma with. Kenma didn’t know her personally, but remembered her, barely. She wasn’t all that memorable in his opinion. From the other information  Akaashi had given him, he knew that Kuroo had tried multiple times to remove this girl from his life, but she just kept appearing. Kenma thought it was kind of desperate, but he also knew that Kuroo was worth it. 

Kenma had to fight the urge to just go home, but he stopped himself when he heard Kuroo’s voice rise, clearly frustrated. So, Kenma’s legs moved on their own. This time carrying him to the two people, instead of away from them. He wished he would have done this a year ago. He saw when Kuroo spotted him, eyes becoming wider with every step that brought Kenma closer. It didn’t take long for Kaori to notice Kuroo’s attention elsewhere, turning to see what he had been staring at.

Kaori smiled brightly, acting like everything was fine. “Oh, Kuroo, is this your friend?” She didn’t even let Kuroo respond before she was sticking her hand out and introducing herself to Kenma. “Hi! I’m Kaori, Kuroo’s friend. Nice to meet you.” Kenma didn’t take her hand, instead he just stared at her. “Um, Kenma, Kuroo’s actual friend. So, you’re friends, huh? Could have fooled me.” Kenma glanced at Kuroo, he looked pale. That just wouldn’t do, Kenma thought. 

Kaori smiled at Kenma, and he knew it was fake. “Yes, friend. Although, I am trying to get him to go on a date with me. He’s being stubborn. Maybe you can convince him?” Kenma couldn’t believe this girl. He just stared at her, shocked. He looked at Kuroo, arching his brow. Kuroo didn’t speak. Kenma glanced back at her, feeling his anger boil over.

“You just can’t take no for an answer, can you? I mean I get it, I guess. He’s attractive, has a sense of humor that can quickly become annoying if paired with the right people. He’s an exceptional kisser, has eyes that you could get lost in, and he’s a great friend. You wanna know what else he has to offer?” Kenma asked, knowing Kaori wouldn’t answer. She was clearly at a loss for words. “This isn’t everything, but it is definitely in my top ten reasons to date Kuroo.” He stared at her, not wanting to miss the look on her face as he delivered the final blow that would figuratively take her out at the knees. “He’s incredible in bed. Especially when you can get him to bottom. The sounds he makes are just... amazing.” Kenma moaned, letting his eyes roll back. Kaori looked like Kenma had slapped her. Kuroo was frozen in his spot. Kenma smiled brightly at her, enjoying this way too much. “What? Are you shocked that he likes boys to? From the look on your face, I guess you didn’t know. You probably didn’t know that he was also dating someone when you decided to be bold and make your move a year ago, either, huh?” Kaori sputtered, trying to form a reply, but Kenma was quicker with his own. “Well, it was nice meeting you, but I don’t think he’s interested. I wouldn’t bother trying again.” and with that, Kenma grabbed Kuroo’s arm, pulling him away from Kaori, who was too shocked to move.

Kenma got them a good distance away, Kaori no longer in sight. He stopped in front of a bench, that was slightly secluded. Kuroo shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up further. Kenma regarded him as he sat down, waiting for Kuroo to follow suit. He didn’t and Kenma wondered if he had gone too far. Personally, he didn’t think so.

“What... What the hell was that, Kenma?” Kenma looked at Kuroo incredulously. “Um, what do you mean what was that? You clearly were uncomfortable and she clearly didn’t give a fuck. Honestly, she deserved it.” Apparently, Kuroo didn’t feel the same way.

“That wasn’t necessary; like at all Kenma. I had it handled.” Kenma laughed bitterly. “Oh, you had it handled, huh? Kind of like you had it handled when she was shoving her fucking tongue down your throat while we were dating? Yeah, okay Kuroo.” Kenma watched Kuroo cross his arms, fixing Kenma with a look. “We aren’t doing this Kenma. I had it under control. You didn’t need to say all that to her, especially that last bit.” 

Kenma thought he was mad before. Clearly, he thought wrong, because all it took was that one sentence for him to lose it. “Oh, did I embarrass you? Well, excuse the fuck out of me. I didn’t know it mattered what the fuck she thought about you. My bad, Kuroo. Quick! If you hurry, I am sure you can catch her and take her up on her offer. Don’t let me fucking stop you.” Kenma stood up, ready to walk away. Kuroo grabbed his arm. 

“Is that what you think, Kenma? You think I want to date her? Hell, do you think I want to sleep with her?” Kenma wrenched his arm out of Kuroo’s hold. He looked straight in his eyes as he spoke. “What in the fuck does it matter to you what I think? If that isn’t what you wanted, you wouldn’t have made a big deal out of me telling her off. I have every fucking right to say whatever the hell I feel like saying to her because she ruined my fucking life! Everything was fine until she walked up and started messing with things that she had no business messing with. But by all means, stand up for her. I really don’t give a fuck.” 

Kuroo moved in front of him, blocking Kenma’s path. He looked down at him, pissing Kenma off that much more with the height difference. “Oh, really? You don’t give a fuck, huh?” Kenma moved to the side, trying to get by, only to be met with Kuroo moving as well. He turned his chin up, glaring with everything in him. “I don’t think I stuttered, Kuroo. I. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck.” Kenma said the words through clenched teeth. Kuroo let a smirk play across his mouth, causing Kenma to want to slap him.

“For someone that doesn’t give a fuck what I do or who I date, you sure are mad. I don’t think I have ever seen you this mad, except for one other time. Hmm, interesting.” Kuroo was still smiling down at Kenma, but it did nothing but fuel his rage. “Get out of my way. I’m leaving.” Kuroo laughed as Kenma tried to get past him again. “No, you aren’t. Talk to me. Why are you mad, Kenma?” 

He didn’t answer Kuroo. He flat out refused to. Truthfully, he was a little surprised at himself. He hadn’t meant to say all that to Kaori, but all those feelings came rushing back when he saw her, causing Kenma to snap. How dare she act like that? Who the hell did she think she was? Who the fuck did Kuroo think he was defending her and acting like Kenma had been out of line? Fuck that. Kenma was not about to feel bad for any of this shit.

Kuroo pulled him out of his thoughts, tilting Kenma’s face back up to his. Kenma cut his eyes to the side, refusing to look at him. “Please talk to me. I’m sorry, okay? I just didn’t expect you to say all of that. Are you mad because you think I want her?” Kenma didn’t answer, biting his lip hard enough he tasted blood. Kuroo pulled it free with his thumb, moving his face into Kenma’s line of sight. “Kitten, talk to me. Please don’t leave mad. Let me at least try to fix it.” 

Rolling his eyes, Kenma decided to stop being stubborn for once and speak. He didn’t want to be mad at Kuroo. He didn’t want to go back to not speaking. “I didn’t mean to go off on her like that. I just... She pissed me off, okay?  Akaashi told me that she won’t leave you alone, and after finding out what had actually happened... I guess I just have some pent-up anger that needed to be released. It’s not my fault she had to try the same shit that broke us up directly in front of my face.” Kenma watched Kuroo’s face soften at his words. He smiled, small and nothing like his usual devious one. 

“I get it. It’s fine. I am sorry I questioned you about it. Honestly, I am kind of glad. Maybe now she will leave me alone.” Kenma scoffed, cutting his eyes away again, chin still trapped in Kuroo’s grasp. “So, do you really not give a fuck, as you put it? If that’s the case, what a shame.” Kenma knew better than to look at Kuroo. “I guess I will have to just step it up and make you start giving a fuck.” He was shocked when Kuroo leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead. He wished it would have been his mouth, but he wouldn’t dare let Kuroo, or anyone else for that  matter, know that. 

Kuroo let him go, grabbing his hand. “Come on, Kitten. Let’s go get food. Maybe if you eat, you’ll be less grumpy.” He smiled at Kenma, pulling him along. “Yeah, okay, Kuroo.” was all Kenma could say. He let Kuroo pull him along, glad he hadn’t let him leave. 

The food had been good. However, Kenma wasn’t sure that he could say the same about his and Kuroo’s interactions during the meal. It wasn’t really terrible; they just clearly both had their minds occupied with the scene with Kaori and the conversation after. Neither of them had the guts to bring it up. Kenma didn’t think he wanted to talk about it, feeling slightly embarrassed over everything he had said to Kaori. The stuff Kuroo had said after had his face heating up just as much as he approached his front door. He had opted to walk home alone, telling Kuroo he would see him tomorrow for whatever shit show  Bokuto had instore for them. He was still in the dark about those plans, Kuroo refusing to tell him, stating that he was afraid Kenma wouldn’t come if he knew. To be fair, that was probably accurate. He was going, though. Tanaka had been invited as well, and he knew what the hell was going on too. Kenma was annoyed at being kept in the dark, but he had found out  Akaashi hadn’t  been told anything yet either, so it was fine.

Kenma stuck his key in the door, unlocking it. He heard the click and twisted the knob to open it. He was stunned when the door had flung open, the knob being ripped from his grasp. Before he realized what was happening, someone jumped on him, wrapping him in a gut squeezing hug. 

“Kenma! Surprise!” Kenma could have cried, but instead he hugged the person back, a feeling of warmth overtaking him. “ Shoyo ? When did you get here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Kenma pulled him away to get a good look at him, seeing Ryuu appear behind Hinata. “I told him not to tell. We decided to surprise you. I figured you could use a visit from sunshine himself.” 

Kenma did start tearing up at that. He hugged Hinata again, more tightly this time. “Thanks, Ryuu. I’ve missed you, Sho.” He heard Ryuu laugh and felt Hinata laughing as well. “Aw, don’t cry, Kenma. I know you have had a lot going on recently. Get inside and you can tell me all about it.” 

Kenma broke apart from the hug, making his way inside. He felt like a weight was lifting off him being surrounded by three of the people he loved the most. He watched Ryuu settle down on the couch, arm wrapped around Kiyoko. She smiled up at him before asking if he was okay. Kenma nodded and went and took a seat close to Hinata. As soon as he sat down, Hinata turned to face him, sitting with his legs underneath him on the couch.

“So, are things back to normal with you and Kuroo yet? Tanaka said you met him today for lunch.” Kenma pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. He didn’t look at any of them, opting for staring at the floor. “I wouldn’t say back to normal. We did run into Kaori today, though.”

Kiyoko perked up, “Oh no. I swear I am going to have to have a talk with her. I don’t know why she won’t just let it go. I’m sorry, Kenma. That must have been hard. Did anything happen?” Kenma felt all their eyes on him, waiting for the details. He sighed. “Well, something happened alright. I may, or may not, have told her that Kuroo makes amazing sounds in bed.” Kenma shuddered. Hinata slapped a hand over his mouth. Kiyoko mumbled something that sounded like “Oh shit.” and Ryuu laughed, practically yelling “Damn Kenma! That... Wow!” 

Kenma covered his face. “I know. I couldn’t help it, though. I just got so mad. She was all in his space, and she had the audacity to ask me to convince him to take her on a date. I just lost it.” They all went silent. Kenma felt Hinata drape his arm around his shoulders, leaning his head over on Kenma. “It’s okay, Kenma. Don’t worry about it. I think she deserved it.” Ryuu laughed again, him and Kiyoko agreeing.

Kenma sighed with relief. At least they weren’t judging him like Kuroo had at first. Kenma already felt bad enough now that he had calmed down. He rose his head, noticing how Hinata was still leaning on him. Kiyoko grabbed his attention when she spoke. “Tell us what happened exactly, from the beginning. I need to know if I need to have a very long conversation with Kaori. She has been told by everyone to back off. I just don’t get it.” She sighed and Kenma thought that none of them would get it, but he certainly did.

He sat up straight, sighing heavily. “Well, I got finished with my class and I started heading to where Kuroo told me to meet him. It took about five minutes and once I got there, she was there with him. It was like a year ago all over again, except this time I walked up to them instead of running away. I just snapped.”

Kenma went on recounting the events that had taken place with Kaori, and what had gone on afterwards with Kuroo. He could tell by Ryuu and  Shoyo’s faces that Kuroo was going to have his hands full when they all met up tomorrow for  Bokuto’s gathering. Kenma just hoped he didn’t have any more episodes like he had had today. He couldn’t handle any more embarrassment, much less Kuroo shamelessly saying things and kissing his forehead. He wasn’t so sure if he would survive tomorrow at this point, but he knew it was coming whether he wanted it to or not.


	11. Volleyball and Drowning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Across the net, Kuroo’s eyes met Kenma’s. If he wasn’t already nervous, he definitely was now because of all the things Kenma could have done to Kuroo in that moment, he chose to wink at Kuroo right after he had let his tongue flick across his lips. That’s all it took for Kuroo’s head to be so far out of the game, knowing without a doubt he was going to lose.
> 
> Kenma wasn’t sure what to say. He let Kuroo’s words wash over him, processing each one slower than necessary. It was exhausting, wasn’t it? Fighting against a feeling that he knew would never dissipate, never falter. The feeling only seemed to grow and consume Kenma even more as time passed. Disturbingly enough, it was like drowning. Well, what Kenma assumed drowning felt like, anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Volleyball time, thanks to Bokuto! :) Lots going on in the chapter. All I have to say is poor Kuroo. I'm tired of people giving him a hard time. Not to worry, though! He gets a reward for all his suffering at the end of this chapter. 
> 
> We start off with Kuroo's POV and then it switches to Kenma's.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the chapter! Thanks for the Kudos, comments and bookmarks. All are appreciated and absolutely make my day! :)

Before Kuroo knew it, Friday afternoon had descended upon him. It was time for the Volleyball game  Bokuto had so eagerly arranged for all them. As far as Kuroo knew, himself,  Bokuto and Tanaka had been the only ones to know exactly what they were all doing today. Kuroo refusing to tell Kenma, having a gut feeling Kenma would refuse just because it required a physical activity he hadn’t done in years.  Bokuto had told  Akaashi it was  merely a surprise. Kuroo thought  Akaashi knew exactly what he was about to be roped into. 

Kuroo got home, going immediately to pack a gym bag. Tanaka had said they could all meet up at the gym he worked at and use the court they had there. It was all coming together nicely, even if Kuroo wasn’t so sure about it to begin with. He grabbed his gym clothes, quickly stripping and getting changed. After he finished, he grabbed his packed bag and made his way out of his room, meeting  Bokuto and  Akaashi in the living room. He could see the excitement  radiating off of Bo, whereas  Akaashi looked as  unreadable as ever.

“So, we ready to see how annoyed Kenma is going to be?”  Akaashi asked. Bo just laughed, but Kuroo couldn’t find the humor in the question. “Honestly, if it is anything like how he reacted yesterday, I don’t want to see it.” Kuroo was still a little shocked. Kenma had been pissed, causing Kuroo to realize just how bad everything had really been for Kenma when they ended. Kenma’s reaction to Kaori had been eye opening to  multiple things. 

“Yeah, you said he was pissed. Was it really that bad, man?” Bo eyed Kuroo, but it wasn’t Kuroo who responded. “Let’s just say living with Tanaka has made Kenma a lot less passive. When he’s pissed, you will know it.”  Akaashi started toward the door, “Come on, you two. Let’s go before they  beat us there.”

It took about 20 minutes to find the gym. It was really nice and Kuroo wasn’t surprised that Tanaka had chosen a career as a personal trainer. The three of them walked in and were loudly greeted by Tanaka himself.

“Well, well, well. Finally show up to get your asses kicked, I see?” He was looking smug as hell for someone that didn’t play anymore either, Kuroo thought.  Bokuto spoke up, always ready for a challenge. “Now that’s the kind of energy I like to see! I knew getting you in on this was a great idea. See ‘Kaashi, what’d I tell  ya ?”  Akaashi smirked, enjoying  Bokuto’s energy. “I think this was a great idea,  Bo. Gives some of us a chance to release all that pent up aggression in a healthy way.” Kuroo didn’t miss the man's sharp eyes cutting towards him; nor did he miss how Tanaka fixed him with a stare. He knew they were referring to Kenma and the events from yesterday. The way they acted like they knew something Kuroo didn’t was putting him on edge. He tried to ignore it as Tanaka lead them all to the gym.

Tanaka pushed open the doors, smiling. “Oh, by the way Kuroo, we will get to do three verses three after all. I found someone willing to play.” Kuroo started to respond but all the words died on his tongue as soon as he heard the voice of the person that was just as loud and over active as his best friend.

“ Bokuto !” Kuroo stood frozen as he watched orange hair run straight for them. He watched  Bokuto smile brightly as he greeted the person. “Hinata! How have you been, man? It’s been a long time.”

Kuroo quickly tuned out that conversation, focusing instead on Kenma, who was walking over to the rest of them. They watched each other, but didn’t speak. Kenma finally fixed Kuroo with a direct stare that made him feel oddly intimidated. He spoke and everyone watched them. “You could have told me Bo was going to force us all to play volleyball.” Kuroo tried not to smile. “I knew better than to tell you what he had planned because I knew you wouldn’t want to.” 

No one said a word, choosing just to stare back and forth between the two. Kenma clearly was thinking about what Kuroo had said, then he turned to Hinata, smiling. “I don’t know. I haven’t played with  Shoyo in a long time. I might have come.” Kuroo felt the urge to roll his eyes, but he didn’t. Kenma looked back at him, eyes intense, boring into his very being. “Ready to lose, Kuroo?” That was all it took for Kuroo to be annoyed. Of course, Kenma would pick to play on freaking Hinata’s team. He had always been more excited about volleyball when playing with Hinata. Kenma always had a look of anticipation when Hinata was around, trying to pinpoint what Hinata’s next moves would be. It hadn’t been all that surprising when the two had become friends with the way Kenma had always talked about him, clearly intrigued by the shrimp. Kuroo had always felt a twinge of jealousy towards Hinata and Kenma’s relationship. That was something he had thought he had overcome years ago, though. 

Snapping back to reality as Tanaka clapped his hands together a little too loudly for Kuroo’s liking. Kuroo glanced around and felt a chill move up his spin from the stare he was met with. Hinata had his eyes trained on him. The stare was unnerving and Kuroo knew it was because Hinata had to know everything that went on between Kuroo and Kenma. Only when Tanaka and  Bokuto finally spoke did Hinata break eye contact. However, it wasn’t until after he let a  sickly-sweet grin slide across his mouth.

“Kuroo, Kasshi and myself will be one team!”  Bokuto spoke loudly,  radiating with confidence. “Sounds good! Looks like myself, Hinata and Lord  KodzuKen will be making up the other. Get ready to lose.” Kuroo wanted to argue that statement, but he was still a loss for words, mind trying to process the fact Hinata was here, and clearly pissed. He started to speak, but Tanaka beat him to it. “Hey Rooster head, watch your back or we just might eat you alive.”  Akaashi made a sound, clearly laughing at the words before patting Kuroo on the back. 

He followed his friends, his team, across the court. They began lining up,  Bokuto preparing to serve first. Across the net, Kuroo’s eyes met Kenma’s. If he wasn’t already nervous, he definitely was now because of all the things Kenma could have done to Kuroo in that moment, he chose to wink at Kuroo right after he had let his tongue flick across his lips. That’s all it took for Kuroo’s head to be so far out of the game, knowing without a doubt he was going to lose.

Kenma was glad he had decided to let Ryuu force him along for this. He was also oddly satisfied at the look Kuroo had gotten when he laid eyes on  Shoyo . It was no secret that Kuroo had always had a small amount of jealousy when it came to  Shoyo , but it seemed like it was worse now. It probably didn’t help that  Shoyo had been taking every opportunity to take  metaphorical stabs at Kuroo. The game quickly took a turn from a three on three, to a two on two. Kenma and  Akaashi being the odd ones out, only there to set the ball for the four spikers to lash out at each other. 

Tanaka and  Bokuto were having an absolute blast. Clearly seeing who could spike a ball the hardest.  Bokuto yelling “No one can stop me!” and Tanaka using a more colorful vocabulary, shouting “Take that god damnit!” when he finally got a point after  Bokuto and Kuroo had stopped him multiple times.

The other two,  Shoyo and Kuroo, weren’t having the same friendly rivalry.  Shoyo had jumped up, hitting a perfect set that Kenma had sent him, sending the ball across the net and slamming it down to the floor. As soon as he landed, he fixed Kuroo with a smile, bright enough to rival the sun and said “I’m kind of disappointed, Kuroo. I thought for sure it would be more challenging to get past you. Must be because your favorite setter is setting for me now, huh?” Kenma tried not to laugh. He choked it down immediately, however, when he saw Kuroo’s face. Kuroo’s face was set to the same look he had always sported when they were back in high school, back when he was called the scheming captain. Everyone else took the look and the huff Kuroo let out as nothing more than him accepting a challenge. Kenma knew better, though. Kuroo was fucking pissed and he was about to start targeting that straight onto  Shoyo . Kenma glanced at  Akaashi , he stiffly shook his head. He turned back, getting ready for the next play. Tanaka was up for a serve. He bounced the ball a few times before tossing it up and slamming his palm into it. Kenma watched as Kuroo received it. The ball went to  Akaashi and he made it just in time to set it to  Bokuto , calling out “All yours, Kou.” Kenma and  Shoyo watched, waiting to jump to block the deadly spike that belonged to  Bokuto . Their efforts proved fruitless as the ball broke through their wall. Tanaka luckily received it, giving Kenma time to position himself under it to set it to  Shoyo . He watched his orange haired friend jump, back arching as he brought his arm back to strike the ball. 

Kenma thought for sure that  Shoyo had made it through, gaining them a point. He knew he was wrong, though when he heard  Shoyo huff, following with a “damn it!”. He looked across the net, Kuroo’s grin stretched wider than ever. “You might have my setter, short stack, but I can still shut down anything you send my way. Don’t get too cocky, now.” He watched as  Shoyo laughed, bitterly. He knew whatever happened next would probably be bad. 

“Oh, your setter, huh? Since when? The last time I checked, he hasn’t been yours...” Before  Shoyo could finish, Kuroo had him by the front of his shirt, jerking him face first into the net, glaring down at him. “I’m not so sure you finishing that sentence is a good idea” Kuroo forced out through gritted teeth. Kenma glanced a Ryuu, knowing he would get  Shoyo , while Kenma got Kuroo. “Hey! Hey! Let’s take a break  guys !”  Bokuto said, nervously. He made his way to Kuroo, whispering to him, “Man, let him go. He didn’t mean it.” Kenma watched Kuroo let go, shoving  Shoyo back, Ryuu catching him. “Yeah, whatever.” was all Kuroo said, turning to walk away and out of the gym.

Akaashi looked at Kenma. Before he spoke, Kenma was already sure of what he had to say. “Are you going to go handle that, or should I?” Kenma managed a small smile. “I think you and Bo have been handling it enough. I will go.” Akaashi sighed loudly. “To think, we thought you would be the one getting pissed off today. Guess it was his turn.”  Bokuto laughed and Kenma made his way to the gym doors.  Shoyo ran up to him apologizing. “Kenma, I’m sorry. It just got out of hand. You know I didn’t mean it. Do you think Kuroo hates me now?” Kenma stopped, placing his hand on  Shoyo’s shoulder, “It’s okay. I will handle it. I’m sure he knows you only said that because you were on my side. I know you didn’t mean it.” He let his hand slide off his friends' shoulder and made his way out the doors to find Kuroo. 

Kenma didn’t have to walk far to find Kuroo. He was directly outside the gym, sitting down on the pavement, back against the building. Kuroo was the picture of self-loathing at the moment and Kenma hated to see it. He knew he would find him like this, though. Kuroo wasn’t an asshole. He was always trying to bring people together, easily making friends with anyone. Kuroo liked teasing and joking around, but he was never intentionally mean to someone. Not without reason anyway. So, Kenma knew after the incident with  Shoyo , Kuroo would be feeling like shit. Clearly upset with himself and his reaction. Kenma knew he was the only person capable of dealing with this. So, he sat about his task and was now sitting down side by side with Kuroo.

Kuroo spoke first, probably knowing that Kenma wouldn’t say anything until he felt like Kuroo was ready to hear it. “Look, I know I over reacted with the shrimp, but he just pissed me off. It was one blow to the chest, over and over, and I just couldn’t take it anymore.”

Kenma listened, already fully aware of what had taken place. He knew  Shoyo wasn’t fighting fair and he also knew why. “It’s fine, Kuroo. Stop beating yourself up about it.  Shoyo’s fine. He’s actually freaking out, thinking that you hate him now.” Kenma could feel Kuroo wanting to argue. He fought back an exasperated sigh, cursing the fact that this was all a  colossal waste of energy. 

“Seriously, Kuroo, let it go.  Shoyo is more at fault than you are. If anyone needs to apologize, it’s him. He knows this. I think he was only trying to get a reaction out of you. He wants to know how you feel, if anything has changed.” Kenma watched Kuroo lean his head back, looking up at the sky.

“Of course, nothing’s changed! How can anyone look at me and think for a second that anything has changed? You are it for me. You always have been and always will be. Nothing can change that.” Kenma quickly averted his eyes. Warmth spread through his chest, creeping up his neck and spreading out across his face. He didn’t think he was supposed to hear what Kuroo had said so carelessly. He fixated his stare on the ground, trying to calm the pounding of his heart. 

“Sorry for being so honest. It’s just... I’m tired okay? I feel like we are dancing around our feelings for each other, trying not to over step some hidden boundary. It’s exhausting; I know how I feel and I know it hasn’t changed. My feelings have never once wavered when it comes to you, Kenma. This is all like it was before we got the guts to tell one another how we really felt, jumping in head first into a love that was so consuming it felt like we would drown. The only difference now is that I know what it is to be with you, to be fully submerged in love and be more than just your friend; and it’s because I know that, that it makes this so exhausting. It’s like we are both fighting against it, afraid of what will happen if we dive in once again... I’m tired of fighting it.” 

Kenma wasn’t sure what to say. He let Kuroo’s words wash over him, processing each one slower than necessary. It was exhausting, wasn’t it? Fighting against a feeling that he knew would never dissipate, never falter. The feeling only seemed to grow and consume Kenma even more as time passed. Disturbingly enough, it was like drowning. Well, what Kenma assumed drowning felt like, anyway. Gathering up the nerve to jump into the water, preparing yourself to be swallowed up by it. Feeling prideful at the fact you actually took the leap; made the jump, only to have the air knocked out of your lungs by the impact. Sinking to the bottom, the need to push back to the surface clawing at your insides and the relief you feel once you break through the glimmering shine that separates you from the oxygen your lungs so desperately crave. But then it hits you; a wave of terror as you feel yourself slip back under. Feet trying to land on a surface that isn’t there. Arms flailing while hands grasp at the air until finally your mind slows along with your body. You accept your fate and peace washes over you. Kenma shivered. Yes, love was like drowning. 

Pushing that aside, Kenma reached out and took Kuroo’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “I’m tired, too.” was all he could find the nerve to say. He felt Kuroo’s hand tighten on his own and he fought against the urge to smile.

Kenma sighed deeply, then turned to look at Kuroo. He felt his breath catch in his throat when Kuroo’s eyes met his. He swallowed, forcing whatever unseen force down and out of the way, so the words could make it out of his mouth.

“Look, I’m not saying we should just jump right back into this like nothing ever happened, but there really isn’t any point in ignoring the fact that we both still love each other. It’s a waste of time trying to fight it and I don’t want to if you don’t.” Kuroo smiled at him and Kenma thought that yes, he was drowning. 

“So, basically we are together but not together?” Kenma rolled his eyes at Kuroo’s question. “No. I mean, sort of... Look, you love me, I love you... most the time anyway. All I am saying is we stop being difficult and just accept that we feel the same way and just go slow. Just take it one slow step at a time.”

Kuroo laughed and Kenma fought the urge to hit him. “Most of the time, huh? I think you love me all of the time, but whatever you want to tell yourself, Kitten. This is all fine by me.”

Rolling his eyes, Kenma responded. “Don’t flatter yourself, Kuroo.” He shook his head as Kuroo laughed again, wondering if he should save himself some suffering and take it all back. He knew he could never, though, so instead he decided to prolong his inevitable suffering.

“Since neither of us seem to be functioning properly around people, I think maybe we should do something that requires little social interaction.” Kenma eyed Kuroo through his  peripheral , seeing if he piqued his interest.

“Okay, Kitten. You have my attention. Any more social interactions for us and we may end up hurting someone.” Kenma smiled at the use of the dreadful pet name. 

“Well, come by the apartment tomorrow and you and I will do a stream. It will work out this time since I won’t have to worry about you malfunctioning and running away.”

Kuroo gripped his chest and Kenma just knew he was about to be overly dramatic. “Mean, Kitten. You hurt me, deeply. But sounds like a plan to me. I will be there, no running or  malfunctions . I promise.” 

Kenma laughed, the sound small and quiet. “Okay. You can come over whenever, just let me know when you are on your way. Now, come on. Let’s get back before  Shoyo starts crying over you.” 

Kuroo stood, pulling Kenma along with him. They made their way back into the gym, Kenma noticing how they never let go of one another. If being in love was like drowning, Kenma was fine with being pulled under as long as it was with Kuroo.


	12. I'll Be Your Guide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Being friends was fine and all, but what was the point when you were so in love with someone that being just friends with them felt like you were being denied the best parts in life. Like someone giving you a slice of apple pie, but refusing to let you have a scoop of vanilla ice cream with it. Sure, the pie by itself was fine, but why have just the pie when you could have the ice cream with it? Wasn’t it kind of stupid to deny yourself the best part? Before Kenma could think better of it, he reached over and placed his hand over the top of Kuroo’s on the mouse, helping direct his character around the map.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for this chapter taking forever! I was having some difficulties deciding on what game I wanted to use for the stream part of the chapter and how I was going to write it. I had to do some research, watch some youtube streamers just to get this the way I wanted it. So, I hope it was worth waiting for those of you that are reading this. I am happy with it and hope you are too! 
> 
> This chapter starts off with Kenma's POV, then switches to Kuroo's, then back to Kenma's. Tanaka and Hinata are in the background. Anyways, enjoy! Hopefully I won't have as much trouble moving forward. :)

There was nothing Kenma hated more than having his sleep interrupted. It always seemed to happen at the worse times; like when he was extremely exhausted, having a good dream or when he really needed the extra rest. This was no doubt one of those times, but he wasn’t about to admit which category this one fell into. No, Kenma wasn’t having a good dream and he most definitely wasn’t dreaming about anyone in particular. He groaned, kicking his feet like a child throwing a tantrum, but that didn’t stop his phone from buzzing. It had gone off a total of three times in the last five minutes and Kenma was seriously considering breaking it with his bare hands. Instead, he opted to suck it up and answer the damn thing. Blindly reaching for his phone, he grabbed it and answered the fourth call without so much as a glance at the screen.

Kenma cleared his throat, trying to sound less like someone who had currently been asleep, “Hello?”. He still had his eyes closed and began to wonder if the caller was even on the line anymore. That thought was extinguished as the familiar voice came over the speaker, Kenma’s eyes flying open in response.

“You sound sleepy, Kitten. Did I wake you? I mean it is kind of early, but I figured you’d be awake by now.” Kenma groaned. Of course, it was Kuroo. Of all the people, it just had to be him. Shoving down any feelings of embarrassment, (nothing he could do about it now anyways since he already answered the damn phone), he decided to talk instead of hanging up and going back to sleep.

“What time is it?” Kenma wasn’t sure what “kind of early” actually meant to Kuroo, but he was sure he had a different time concept than him. He was proven right as Kuroo laughed and said “It’s 12:30p.m. I mean it is technically afternoon now, but still kind of early.”

Kenma kicked his feet again, letting out a whine like a petulant child. “Damnit, Kuroo! I could have slept two more hours at least.” He really could have too. Kenma was still exhausted from playing Volleyball yesterday and Shoyo bouncing off the walls with Ryuu for hours afterwards. He never thought they would calm down, much less go to sleep. Curse them for keeping me up all night and curse Kuroo for interrupting my dreams, Kenma thought begrudgingly. 

“Why did you need a few more hours? Did playing Volleyball really kick your ass that bad yesterday?” Kenma pulled the phone away from his face and scowled, knowing Kuroo couldn’t see it. He lowered it back down to his ear. “It wasn’t just Volleyball. Ryuu and Sho were full of energy last night afterwards. They were so loud the neighbors came by to complain twice, embarrassing Kiyoko and myself. They finally went to bed around three in the morning.” Kenma waited for Kuroo to respond, but was met with a deep sigh. Tired of the silence he spoke again, “Kuroo? You woke me up and ruined my dream, the least you could do is talk.” 

He heard Kuroo huff and then he was met with the most ridiculous question. “Hinata is staying with you?” Kenma tried not to laugh. He nearly chewed his lip off at the prospect of being quiet. Rolling his  eyes, he thought of how to deal with this situation. 

“Yes, he stayed with Ryuu, Kiyoko and myself. He slept on the couch. Kuroo, are you seriously suggesting what I think you are suggesting?” He could hear the shuffling on the other end, imagining jealousy getting the best of Kuroo as he tried not to squeeze his phone until it broke. 

“I’m not suggesting anything. I was just asking.” Kenma did laugh then. He couldn’t hold it back anymore.

“You are a terrible liar, Kuroo. Nothing is going on with Sho, seriously. We are just friends, like we always have been. Stop worrying about that.” Kenma listened to Kuroo sigh. Kuroo being jealous was cute, but Kenma didn’t want him  too seriously be worried about something like that. He didn’t see  Shoyo as anything more than a friend, plus he knew  Shoyo had someone he loved already; but that secret wasn’t Kenma’s to tell. 

“Okay, if you say so, Kenma. I’ll stop worrying about it.” Kenma rolled over on his side, wrapping up in his covers further. 

“Good! Now, what’s up? When do you want to come over? I won’t do the stream until a bit later, but if you want to hangout a while before we can. It’s up to you.” Kuroo hummed, letting Kenma know he was thinking too hard over something that should be rather simple to decide. 

“We can hangout before. You decided on what game you are making me play yet? Please, don’t be something scary. You know how much I hate those.” Kenma did know how much Kuroo disliked being scared, but he also thought it was fucking hilarious. 

“Hmm, no promises. You will find out when it’s time. But come over whenever. I’m here, obviously, and I think everyone else may be too. Well, not Kiyoko. She’s the only functioning adult today as usual.”

Kuroo laughed and Kenma took in the sound of it. He would have to ask  Akaashi if Kuroo was acting more like himself now, or if he was still having a hard time. Kenma wasn’t with him all the time, so relying on  Akaashi and  Bokuto would have to do for now.

“Sounds like a plan. I will see you in a bit. Don’t go back to sleep, Kitten.” Kenma scoffed. “Don’t tell me what to do. See you when you get here.” With that, their call ended and Kenma snuggled deeper into his blankets, sleep pulling him under. Just a few more minutes couldn’t hurt, he thought. He was back asleep in less than ten minutes.

All Kenma knew was he had been sleeping soundly, warm wrapped in his blankets, until he wasn’t. The cold air hit him like a bucket of ice water, chills covering his entire body. He opened he eyes, sitting up to glare around his room for the culprit.

“Good afternoon, sleepy head! I thought I told you not to go back to sleep?” Kenma snatched his blanket and then threw himself backwards, quickly jerking the blanket over his head. “Come on, Kitten. It’s 2:30.”

The light seeped back into Kenma’s face as Kuroo slowly pulled the blanket back. Kenma looked up to be met with a sideways smile and bright eyes. How the hell was he supposed to go back to sleep, much less be mad, when Kuroo was smiling at him like that. He blew out a puff of air, trying and failing to remove the dark strands of hair from his face. “I didn’t mean to fall back to sleep, you know.” Kenma said before he decided to sit back up again. He sat himself up against the headboard of his bed, eyeing Kuroo. “You can sit down. I don’t mind.” Kuroo nodded and took a seat on the bed. Kenma laughed as he watched him. “Please don’t tell me you are going to get all panicked and run off just from sitting on my bed. You are the one that came in here and woke me up. Leaving is no longer an option.” 

Kuroo cocked his brow at Kenma, “Bossy as ever. I’m not surprised. I’ll have you know that I am perfectly fine. I haven’t even thought about running. You’re stuck with me for the day.” Kenma let his entire body go limp, throwing his head back. “The whole day? What did I ever do to be punished like this?” He felt the bed bounce as Kuroo threw himself back, clutching his heart. “It hurts, Kenma! Take it back, act like you love me!” Kenma grabbed the nearest pillow and chunked it at the over dramatic idiot. “Never, you cry baby. Now, move it. I need to go shower and get dressed if I am ever going to be able to deal with you today.” Kuroo was full on pouting now and Kenma was enjoying it a little too much. He got up on his hands and knees, crawling over to Kuroo. Slowly, he pulled the pillow back off his face and was looking down at him. Cocking his head to the side, he smiled, “Stop pouting. I was only kidding.” He shot Kuroo a wink and got up, making his way to the shower like nothing happened. If he was pleased over the reaction, he had just got out of Kuroo, well, no one would ever know.

Kenma wasted no time in the shower. He had washed quickly, drying off even more so before getting dressed. He pulled on his favorite sweats, wanting to be as comfy as possible. Reaching for his shirt, he realized he didn’t grab one. Of course, he had forgot. Cursing to himself, he took a quick glance in the mirror, pushing his hair out of his face and made his way back into his bedroom. Kuroo was still on the bed, scrolling on his phone. Kenma didn’t make eye contact, quickly going to his closet to retrieve a shirt and a hoodie. He knew he would need it later in his streaming room since he kept it colder in there. Finally pulling the hoodie on over the shirt he turned around and had Kuroo’s full attention. 

“What?” He wasn’t sure why Kuroo was staring at him, but it was making him more than a little nervous. “Uh, oh... Um, nothing. Just surprised you still wear that?” Kenma glanced down and cursed himself again. He was pretty sure his subconscious enjoyed torturing him considering this was the second time he had unconsciously grabbed Kuroo’s old  Nekoma hoodie. After not touching it for a year, he had worn it twice in just a few weeks. It was pointless to take it off now, so he just shrugged Kuroo’s comment off, deciding to direct the conversation elsewhere.

“So, obviously I haven't eaten yet. Are you hungry, or no?” 

“I haven’t. We can eat whatever, or wherever you would like.”

Good, Kenma thought. He nodded, “Well, come on. I’m making Ryuu make us food then.” He tried his best not to laugh at Kuroo’s facial expression.

“But... But what if he poisons me? I could die, Kenma!” He shook his head as he made his way out of his room, listening to Kuroo panic behind him.

He led them to the bar that over looked the kitchen. Pulling out two stools, he gestured for Kuroo to take a seat while he did the same. Ryuu was already poking around in the fridge Kenma noticed, so he knew it wouldn’t be long and he would have food. Ryuu and Kiyoko both enjoyed cooking and Kenma enjoyed reaping the benefits of it. 

“Ryuu, feed me. Well, I guess I should be saying feed us since Kuroo and  Shoyo are here as well.” Kenma watched as Ryuu shut the fridge jumping at the sound of Kenma’s voice. 

“Damnit, Kenma! You scared me. I was already planning to start making something. Hinata just woke up and I figured you wouldn’t be far behind since Rooster head decided to grace us with his presence.” Kenma watched Ryuu shoot Kuroo a wicked smile. He rolled his eyes. “Please don’t start. I can’t deal with anymore drama today. I just want food, please.” Kuroo quickly spoke up, following Kenma’s request. “Yes, please, Tanaka. Just don’t put anything in it that may kill me.” Ryuu laughed loudly, shaking his head. “Don’t worry, city boy, that sounds more like something Hinata would do. Lucky for you, he is a terrible cook.”

“Stop talking about me when I am not in the room.” Kenma smiled, turning to see his orange haired friend. “Good afternoon, Sho. Sleep well?”  Shoyo smiled brightly, as usual, taking a seat on the other stool next to Kenma. “I did! Sorry we kept you up so late. I didn’t know Kuroo was coming.” Kenma watched them make eye contact, hating the fact he was smack in the middle of them. “Don’t start you two.” Ryuu warned. “Can we just eat. I am starving!” Kenma groaned, laying his head down on the counter, giving Kuroo and  Shoyo a clear view of  each other .

The food didn’t take long at all and everyone ate mostly in silence. Things were still a tense between Kuroo and  Shoyo , but that wasn’t something that could be helped. He knew  Shoyo would let it go quickly, so he left it alone for now. 

“What are you two doing today?”  Shoyo asked. Kenma sat his drink down, swallowing before answering. “Kuroo Is going to participate in a stream with me for my channel. My subs keep asking about him, so I figured it would be a good idea to give them a face to the name.” Kuroo stared at him, wordlessly. He had been awfully quiet since Kenma had got out of the shower. He wondered what was going on in Kuroo’s head. “Hmm, why are they asking about Kuroo? You talk about him on your channel?”  Shoyo asked, cocking his head to the side. Ryuu answered before Kenma could, clearly trying to keep Kuroo from responding. “You would know all of that if you watched his streams, shorty. Well, we will let you get to it, my lord!” Ryuu stood up, bowing to Kenma. “Maybe we can all hangout after.” He watched Ryuu reach over a slap the back of  Shoyo’s head, telling him to “come on.” He watched them retreat to the living room, while Kenma stood, dragging Kuroo in the opposite direction.

Kuroo let Kenma lead him to what he assumed was his streaming room. Once inside, he looked around, taking in the set up. It was really incredible. Around the ceiling, Kenma had led lights that were set to an orange color. There was a desk with three monitors, a keyboard, a mouse, and a headset. Above that there was a light, obviously to help with lighting and a bunch of other things Kuroo had no idea about. It was a lot, not mentioning the tv on the other side of the room with multiple gaming consoles. There was a shelf with some hardcopies of games and Kenma’s handheld systems. The walls were covered in anime and gaming posters. Kuroo was stunned.

“I didn’t expect it to be like this.” He said, looking around wide eyed. Kenma scoffed, “Well, I mean it is technically a job. I make money doing this. You do realize I am a pro gamer now, right?” Kuroo just stared. How had so much changed so fast. Kenma was excelling, and had been even while dealing with a heartbreak. It kind of made Kuroo feel small, maybe a little pathetic. 

“That’s not important, though.” Kenma said as he pulled a spare chair up next to the one in front of the desk. “We are going to play a game called Apex Legends for this stream. I’m not doing it live, so we will record it and then I will edit it and all that before posting it to my channel. Is that okay?” Kuroo nodded. His mind was to focused on all this new information to be concerned with verbal responses at the moment. 

“Have you ever played Apex? Kenma turned, eyeing Kuroo up and down. “Nope! This will be a first.” Kenma smiled at him and he felt the nerves start to melt away a little. “Okay, well I am not going to throw you to the wolves, but I am making you play mostly. I will be like your guide.” 

“I feel like you are doing this for comedy. You’ve always gave me so much shit for sucking at games.” Kenma stared, face as impassive as ever. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I would never.” Kuroo knew Kenma all too well, however. He knew that Kenma would be yelling and laughing at him before this was over, along with the millions that  subscribed to him. Just great. 

“Okay, so first things first. Ignore the fact I am recording this and just be yourself. I am going to do a quick intro to the video, just telling what we are doing, who you are and shit like that, okay?” Kuroo lifted both hands, acting like he was backing away from Kenma’s setup. “I am just following your lead,  KodzuKen . So, take it away.” Kenma laughed, shaking his head. “Okay, let’s get started.” 

Kenma started recording, adjusting things as he went before finally spitting out his greeting. “What’s up, everyone?  KodzuKen here! Today, I decided to switch things up a bit. All of you have been so curious about my childhood bestie, asking questions during every live stream. So, I thought I would just bring the bestie to you! This is Kuroo. Kuroo, say Hi.” 

Kenma cut his eyes over to Kuroo and watched him as he was leaning back in the chair, arms crossed behind his head. “Hello,  KodzuKen’s Kitty Cats!” He smiled lazily and Kenma wanted to kick him for looking that good. 

“So, today we are going to be playing Apex Legends. Well, correction... Kuroo is going to be playing while I direct him around. Fair warning, he isn’t very skilled at games as I have mentioned before, but this is just for the fun of it. Mostly for my entertainment, if I am being honest with you all.” Kenma clicked around, starting the game.

“For the start, I am going to get you set up with a character. Then I will get you to the drop ship and onto the actual map. Before I hand it off to you, I will get you ammo, guns, med kits, syringes, evo shields, cell batteries... Basically all the shit you are going to need for you and your team’s survival.” Kenma was speaking a little fast, totally in his element. He wondered if Kuroo was following. Glancing over to him, he could tell the gears were turning in Kuroo’s head.

“Um, a team? You didn’t tell me I was going to have to keep myself alive and a freaking team? Oh my god, we are screwed!” Kenma tried not to laugh, but failed miserably.

“Well, then you aren’t going to like the fact that you are one team of three out of twenty teams of three. When you drop out, you have to run and get the supplies before others do... or they will kill you. Other teams can also drop on top of you as you drop down. It’s basically a fight to the death. Your team of three verses the other nineteen teams of three. This is why I am starting out for you, so you at least have a fighting chance.” 

Kuroo blew out a sigh. “I knew you were going to make me play something that had me fighting for my life, just so you could laugh and watch me get killed repeatedly. That hurts me, deeply, Kitten.” Kenma rolled his eyes. “Oh, stop with the dramatics. I am sure you will be fine.” 

“You are  going to end up yelling at me, aren’t you?” Kenma didn’t respond. Instead, he busied himself with set up.

“Alright, characters. Don’t bother choosing, I got this for you. I am setting you up as Rampart. Her abilities are Amped Cover,  Modded Loader and Emplace Minigun Sheila. The amped cover is basically a cover wall,  modded loader is increased magazine and faster reloading when using light machine guns or her minigun. Then we have the ultimate ability, emplace minigun Sheila, which you can place anywhere and anyone on your team can use it.”

“Oya, Oya? Minigun Shelia, huh? That sounds fun.” Kuroo smiled, clearly becoming excited. “Don’t get too excited, you may not live long enough to use it!” Kenma deadpanned.

“ Ughhhh ! Give me more credit than that, Kitten! You are  gonna be guiding me, after all.” 

Kenma nodded, “This is true, but I can only do so much. The rest is up to you and your team, which by the way are two subscribers that I have played with quite a bit. They are good, but don’t expect them to carry you, you’ll pull your weight or you’ll end up dead. Also, they know it's not me that is playing. So, don’t worry about ruining my reputation.”

Kuroo scoffed, “I don’t need to be carried. I got this!” Kenma reached over, placing his hand on top of Kuroo’s head, patting him. “I’m sure you will be fine... I apologize in advance if I yell at you, hit you or just take over completely. Just... Just try to not die.” 

With that Kenma took the character, Rampart, to the drop ship on the screen, following the other two players. He got Kuroo through the drop, gathered the supplies he would need for the match, before getting him and his team mates to a safe spot on the map. Then he  slid his chair to the side, pulling Kuroo’s in its place, handing over the reins.

“Okay, Kuroo. Enemies approaching, get ready.”

“I am ready... I think. Wait! How the hell do I throw up the shield thingy again? Damnit, Kenma! Help me, I am getting shot at!”

Kenma was laughing so hard, it was difficult to respond. He reached over, hitting the necessary keys to throw up the shield. “Shoot back! No! Oh my god, Kuroo! Aim the gun or you aren’t even going to hit the enemy!” Kuroo’s team mates ended up making the kills. 

“Well, you survived first blood, now get moving! Follow the team, Kuroo!” 

This was filling Kenma with nostalgia. He had missed playing games with Kuroo. It was something they had always done; Kuroo participating only because he knew Kenma loved playing so much. He hadn’t laughed this hard in a long time, much less felt this content. Having Kuroo back in his life, little by little and day by day, was making Kenma realize just how ignorant they both had been. He sat there, watching Kuroo try his best to play a video game, body moving back and forth with the characters on the screen, and he realized he couldn’t afford to waste any more time. Being friends was fine and all, but what was the point when you were so in love with someone that being just friends with them felt like you were being denied the best parts in life. Like someone giving you a slice of apple pie, but refusing to let you have a scoop of vanilla ice cream with it. Sure, the pie by itself was fine, but why have just the pie when you could have the ice cream with it? Wasn’t it kind of stupid to deny yourself the best part? Before Kenma could think better of it, he reached over and placed his hand over the top of Kuroo’s on the mouse, helping direct his character around the map. He felt Kuroo still beside him.

“Let me help you. Look, if you go this way, you can get on top of this building and set up Sheila and start taking people out.” Kuroo let him push his hand around, relaxing finally. “Well, lead the way KodzuKen! See, I knew you wouldn’t leave me to die.” Kenma laughed, “don’t tempt me, Kuroo. Now, focus. We got more teams to kill.” Kenma felt like this was his best stream ever.


	13. KuroKen is Goals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of streaming with Kenma wasn't what Kuroo expected. He hadn't expected anything really, but to say he was surprised was an understatement. 
> 
> “Ahhhhh!” he smashed his pillow in his face, screaming into it. A few moments later the door burst open, “Bro! Since when did you and Kenma do a stream together? Or did you even know he was using it as a stream? You are basically trending on YouTube.” Kuroo threw his pillow to the side, raising up to gape at Bokuto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of a short chapter, but with this short chapter comes some new information for our dear Kuroo. This one is completely his POV, with some Bokuto and Akaashi interactions. :) 
> 
> Sorry it is short, but enjoy! Thank you all for the kudos and bookmarks. :)

Laying in his bed Sunday morning, Kuroo couldn’t help but feel like the last two days had passed by faster than normal. It seemed like the time he spent with Kenma was bursting with so many feelings and things that he could never keep track of it; but the moment he was alone again, the silences became more profound, stretching on to the point it felt like it was swallowing him up. Time alone for Kuroo seemed to drag on, pulling him down into misery with each passing minute. To put it bluntly, now that Kuroo was spending time with Kenma again, the time without him was even more hellish than it had been when they weren’t speaking to each other. It was driving him crazy. He couldn’t really do much about it, though. He had agreed for them to just take things slow after all. This was proving to be more difficult than Kuroo had expected and it had only been three days. 

“ Ahhhhh !” he smashed his pillow in his face, screaming into it. A few moments later the door burst open, “Bro! Since when did you and Kenma do a stream together? Or did you even know he was using it as a stream? You are basically trending on  YouTube .” Kuroo threw his pillow to the side, raising up to gape at  Bokuto . 

“Trending? What the hell do you mean? Oh my god, are people making fun of me? I knew my shitty gaming was going to get a few laughs, but fucking trending?”  Bokuto laughed at him, then landed on Kuroo’s bed with a plop, laptop in his hands. 

“No. It’s nothing like that, Bro. I mean it is fucking hilarious, but that’s not why people are losing their minds. They, and I quote, ship it.” Kuroo’s eyes widen. “Kenma is going to be pissed.” Kuroo grabbed the laptop and started looking through the comments that  Bokuto had already been scrolling through. Yeah, Kenma was probably going to be a little pissed, but he had gained even more subscribers by sharing Kuroo’s shitty gaming skills... The biggest change, however, was the  number of comments from people screaming about “ KuroKen ”. 

“Oh, for fuck’s sake! He never even told them we dated... I don’t think? He only referred to me as his childhood best friend, or bestie.” Bokuto laughed again, causing Kuroo to glare at him. “This is not something to laugh about, Bo!” 

“The hell it isn’t! See, even the whole world is smarter than you! They all agree,  KuroKen is goals!” Bo was laughing his ass off as Kuroo hid his face in his hands. 

“It doesn’t matter if that’s what they think. It matters what Kenma thinks, and I doubt he is going to be excited about this.” Bo slapped him on the back of the head, making a “tch” sound with his mouth. “Dude, Kaashi has already talked to Kenma today, he is totally fine. Plus, if he wasn’t fine with you and the possibilities of  KuroKen being a thing again, why in the fuck was he basically holding your hand in that video! Dude, are you guys back together?”

Kuroo sighed, pushing his covers back and getting out of bed. For some reason he felt the need to move, to do something. So, he started pacing back and forth around his room. “No, we aren’t back together... I mean, well, sort of. We aren’t together but we both still feel the same. We are kind of just going with the flow, I guess?” Bo moved the laptop to the side, crossing his hands in his lap as he leaned back into the headboard. 

“So, you guys aren’t together, but you both still love each other? That’s what you are telling me? Seriously?” Kuroo froze. “Um, yes?” He watched as  Bokuto shook his head. Oh, great, here it comes, Kuroo thought. “Seriously, Kuroo? What the fuck is wrong with you? I get that it is going to take some time, but make a fucking move already. Prove you still want him. All this hanging out and shit is great, and I am happy that you both are speaking again... But you are going to keep dragging your feet and then it’s going to be too late! What the hell are you going to do if someone comes out of nowhere and makes the move that you are too scared to make? What then, huh?” 

Kuroo swallowed the dry feeling that was taking root in his throat. “That’s not going to happen, Bo. Kenma knows how I feel. We are just going slow, I guess.” It couldn’t happen, could it? Kenma was Kuroo’s, even if they weren’t technically together, right? Kuroo felt doubt creeping in, faster and faster as the seconds passed.

“All I am saying, Bro, is that Kenma hasn’t ever been one to make the first move. You will have to do it. I mean, I see you making the first move and him basically taking over from there... especially the way he is now. I just don’t want you to wait around, and then someone steal your chance.”

Kuroo eyed  Bokuto , trying to figure out where the hell this warning was coming from. “Has Kenma dated anyone since me, Bo?”  Bokuto stared at him. “No. He hasn’t been with anyone else. If he had been,  Akaashi would have known.” Kuroo nodded. “Okay, then why are you telling me this?”

Bokuto seemed to be thinking extremely hard over how to answer him. It made Kuroo nervous to even hear the answer. “Just because he hasn’t dated, or been with anyone else, doesn’t mean he hasn’t had offers. He is Kenma, after all. He’s smart, attractive and gaining success daily. Of course, he’s had offers, Kuroo.”

“Who? Who the hell is it, Bo?” Kuroo could feel anger creeping up into his chest. He wasn’t sure why he was mad.  Bokuto was right, Kenma could have anyone he wanted. So, he didn’t know why he felt so shocked, so angry. “I don’t know, Bro.” Kuroo watched as  Bokuto avoided eye contact. He turned, walking out of his room to find the person that wouldn’t lie to him.

“ Akaashi !” He yelled, a little too loudly. He froze, watching  Akaashi come around the corner. “What’s wrong, Kuroo?” He looked as passive as usual, calm and collected. 

“Bro, stop... Look, it doesn’t matter. It isn’t like Kenma went on the dates; he turned the guy down.”  Bokuto was behind him, Kuroo turned looking back and forth between the two of his friends. 

“It does  fucking matter! So, who the hell is it? Who is trying to date Kenma?” He heard  Akaashi sigh, walking past to take a seat on the couch. 

“Why are you angry, Kuroo?” The calmness of  Akaashi’s voice did little to ease the anger climbing in Kuroo. “Just tell me who it is? I’m fine.” Akaashi watched him, his stare almost as unnerving as Kenma’s.

“You aren’t fine, you’re pissed. What? Did you think no one would dare try and make a move on what’s yours? You don’t own him Kuroo, and you haven’t been together for a while. I don’t know what you are so worked up for, though. It’s like  Koutarou said, Kenma hasn’t dated, slept with, or even contemplated dating a single person since he was with you. Don’t you get it? You are it for Kenma. But Kou is right; keep dragging your feet and that person might just knock you out of the picture. Kenma isn’t sure if you ever want too actually be together again. All he is sure of is that you love him and are working on your friendship.” 

Kuroo felt like screaming. “Neither of you are answering my question. Who the hell is it?”  Bokuto went to speak, but  Akaashi stopped him. “No. You don’t get to ask that. It isn’t any of your business, Kuroo. Again, it doesn’t matter. Kenma has told him no multiple times. Stop worrying about it and focus on getting him back. That is what you want, right?”

Kuroo dropped his head, admitting defeat. “Yes, that’s what I want. I just... I don’t want to push him.”  Akaashi sighed. “You aren’t going to push him. Kenma isn’t someone that’s going to do something he doesn’t want to. You are going to have to make the first move. So, make it and quit whining.” 

He felt Bo sling his arm around his shoulders. “It will all work out, Bro. Don’t beat yourself up. I mean you both looked pretty happy during the stream. I think it will all work out.” 

Kuroo  laughed , “Did you both watch it?” He looked up to find  Akaashi nodding, smile creeping across his face. “Well, duh! How could we not? It was really good.” 

Akaashi hummed in agreement, “That is the most I have seen Kenma smile and laugh in forever. You did good, Kuroo.” He smiled at both his friends, trying to fight back the worry that was settling into his gut.

He tuned out the conversation that started to form, mind drifting to everything they had both told him. Kenma was actively turning down someone. Kuroo had no idea who, but he hoped he was the reason why. Maybe Bo was right, maybe he just needed to make the move before someone else did. He still was fearful over how Kenma would react, but he feared the thought of Kenma dating someone other than him even more so. It looked like he was going to have to just do it, or risk losing Kenma to someone he didn’t even know. He went back to his room, grabbing  Bokuto’s laptop and scrolling up past the comments to the stream. He clicked on it, watching his and Kenma’s reactions from an outsider's point of view. He realized everyone in the comments were right,  KuroKen was real and you could tell they were both in love with each other. He pulled his phone out, sending Kenma a quick text.

** Me:  ** So, KuroKen, huh? I think I like it.  😉

** Kitten<3:  ** Yes, all my subs like it too. They won’t stop talking about it.

** Me:  ** You aren’t mad about it, are you?

** Kitten<3:  ** Of course not. Why would I be mad about being shipped with someone I have already dated and slept with? 

** Me:  ** You do have a point. I was just making sure.

** Kitten<3:  ** Just wait until they find out we did date. They are really going to lose it then. 

** Me:  ** Wait... You’re going to tell them?

** Kitten<3:  ** Absolutely. They do seem to love you after all.

** Me:  ** Okay,  if you’re sure.

** Kitten<3:  ** Oh, I’m sure. They have also requested to see you again. I’m kinda jealous.

** Me:  ** *screaming* No need to be jealous, Kitten. I’ve only got eyes for you!

** Kitten<3:  ** You better, or else.

**Me:** Y-yes, sir! 😊


	14. This is Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Professor dismissed Kenma’s third, and final, class of the day. Kenma closed the open windows on his laptop and began putting his things away in his bag. He was trying to hurry, least he gets stopped by a certain someone. Standing, making his way to the door, he felt a presence materialize beside him. Kenma fought the urges he had to roll his eyes, scream, and just disappear altogether. Instead of doing all of the above, or making a run for it, he glanced to the side. He was met with the bright, happy face of Terushima Yuuji, smiling as he leaned forward, putting himself in Kenma’s line of sight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As the last chapter was just for Kuroo, this one is just for Kenma. Completely his POV. Enjoy :)

The weekend came and went. Kenma was impressed from the response he had got from the stream with Kuroo. He had gained a ridiculous number of subscribers, not to mention the video itself had millions of views and likes. Business was good and as a result, Kenma’s bank account was better. He would have to game with Kuroo again at some point. Everyone seemed to enjoy him as much as they did Kenma, and he wasn’t surprised by the fact everyone was shipping them together. It was cute, really. Their interactions during the video spoke for themselves, so Kenma had a feeling this would happen.

The Professor dismissed Kenma’s third, and final, class of the day. Kenma closed the open windows on his laptop and began putting his things away in his bag. He was trying to hurry, least he gets stopped by a certain someone. Standing, making his way to the door, he felt a presence materialize beside him. Kenma fought the urges he had to roll his eyes, scream, and just disappear altogether. Instead of doing all of the above, or making a run for it, he glanced to the side. He was met with the bright, happy face of Terushima Yuuji, smiling as he leaned forward, putting himself in Kenma’s line of sight.

“Hello, Sunshine. What’s up?” Kenma sighed heavily, not this shit again. He liked Yuuji, sure. Everyone did. What he didn’t like is the stupid names he called Kenma as he relentlessly asked him out at least once a week. Always telling him that one day Kenma would say yes; not fucking likely. 

“Hi, Yuuji. Please don’t call me that.” Kenma watched as the smile on the other man’s face got brighter. How the hell was that even possible? “Aw, come on! I’m only calling you that because you literally brighten up my day!” Kenma scoffed. This guy was an idiot, but kind of endearing. Kenma hated it. 

“Hmm, somehow I think you have me confused with my friend, Shoyo. Anyways, what do you need?” Kenma knew he would dread the next response. By now, he knew Yuuji would come back with another one liner that was sweet, but also annoying. “I could never confuse you with someone else, Kenma. As for what I need... Well, I was hoping today would be the day you said yes! Please, just let me buy you a coffee, or something.”

Kenma laughed as he kept walking. Yuuji keeping up with his stride. “Are you ever going to give up? The only way I would even consider that offer is if it stopped you from asking me out in the future. Which I know won’t happen considering this has been going on for two months.” 

Yuuji shook his head, smiling. “Always playing hard to get. Okay, I will make you a deal. This is a onetime offer, Kenma, take it or leave it.” 

Good grief, Kenma thought to himself. “I have a feeling I am not going to like this, but please go on.” Kenma waited for Yuuji to throw out the offer that would probably make him slam his head into the nearest wall. He wouldn’t be so dramatic if this hadn’t become a regular part of his weekly routines. He only allowed it to go on because despite the constant flirting, offers for dates and ridiculous one liner’s, Yuuji was a good person. He was very sweet and considerate, if a little too cocky for Kenma’s liking. Kenma liked Yuuji as a person; maybe even as a friend. 

“Okay, here goes.” Kenma watched him sigh, pulling Kenma to the side of the wall, careful not to be in Kenma’s space. He smiled at Kenma again, then jumped in head first. The nerves on this guy. “Kenma, would you like to go with me for coffee? If you can spare some time that is. I’m buying, and if you would like to, I swear I will stop asking you out and we can just be friends. If you want to be friends, of course.” 

Kenma ran his fingers through his hair, pushing it back from his face. He looked up at Yuuji, cursing his smile and sweet personality. “Fine. One coffee, though. I will decide after if I want to be friends or not.” Kenma gave Yuuji a small smile, watching him throw his fist in the air as he uttered a  hushed “Yes!”

“This is not a date, Yuuji. Come on, before I change my mind.” Kenma started walking, Yuuji scrambling to not be left behind. “A guy can dream, Kenma. Let’s go.” 

This is how Kenma found himself walking to his favorite coffee shop with a guy that had a huge crush on him. If it was anyone else, Kenma wouldn’t have agreed. He couldn’t help it, though. Yuuji was a good person and Kenma liked good people. So, he walked alongside Yuuji, listening to him talk about class and a multitude of other things on their way to the shop.

The walk to the coffee shop was about fifteen minutes from Kenma and Yuuji’s previous class. Once they got there, Kenma watched as Yuuji grabbed the door to open it for him. He shook his head, walking through, fighting a smile. They made their way to Kenma’s favorite spot, Yuuji quickly pulling Kenma’s chair out for him. “I told you this isn’t a date, Yuuji. You don’t have to do all of this.” 

Yuuji smiled and Kenma caught a glimpse of his tongue piercing as he began to speak. “It may not be a date, but you can’t blame me for trying. Got to show you what you're missing some way or another. Now, what would you like? I’ll go order it.” Kenma did roll his eyes, but more jokingly than annoyed. He told Yuuji his drink of choice and watched him walk away. He couldn’t help it as Kuroo flashed across his mind. He hadn’t seen him since Saturday and he had been feeling anxious about the whole situation with Kuroo since. He had talked to  Keji about it all, including Yuuji, but he still didn’t feel any better about any of it. He hated feeling this way.

Kenma shoved his thoughts aside, focusing on Yuuji as he placed Kenma’s drink in front of him and then took the seat directly in front of him, smiling brightly at Kenma as usual. 

“So, thank you for indulging me and taking time out of your day. I am sure you probably just wanted to go home.” 

Kenma watched Yuuji curiously. Where the hell did the cocky, over confident guy go? “Hmm, it’s fine. If I didn’t want to be here, I assure you I wouldn’t be.” Yuuji moved his straw around in his drink, stirring it and making the ice swirl around.

“Can I ask why you won’t go out with me? You don’t have to answer, but I can’t lie and say I haven’t been wondering about it.”

Cocking his head as he placed his chin in his palm. Kenma wondered the same thing. He had recently figured out the reason behind his string of denials, however. He just didn’t want to say it, not really. He felt like it was unnecessary to tell Yuuji he never had a chance to begin with, all because Kenma’s heart belong to someone else. Instead of answering, he just asked another question to try and avoid it.

“What makes you think that I have an elaborate reason as to why I refused you? It could be something as simple as I didn’t have time for dating.”

Yuuji finally fixed his eyes on Kenma, and for the first time in forever, Kenma felt like he was being seen. It made him more than a little nervous. “Honestly, you don’t strike me as a person that does things without having a reason behind them. I bet it isn’t as simple as you’d like me to think. I’m intrigued now.”

Kenma sighed, shoving his hands through his hair. “You do that a lot when you’re nervous.” Yuuji said, causing Kenma to freeze and drop his hand. He stared at his hands, now in his lap, playing with his fingers. “Don’t stop, I like watching you do it. Don’t be nervous, though, it’s just me  after all . You don’t have to tell me, Kenma.”

Kenma thought about it, not telling Yuuji. But the truth was he had to tell someone. He had already told  Keji and it didn’t help much. He hadn’t had time to really have a deep discussion with  Shoyo or Ryuu over the weekend either. So, maybe an outsider prospective was what he needed. It might make him understand all the shit going on in his head better. 

“No, it’s fine. I don’t mind, really. It’s just a lot.” Yuuji’s smile was warm as he waited for Kenma to continue.

“Look, I didn’t turn you down because I wanted to. At first, I didn’t even really get why I was turning you down to begin with. You were sweet, attractive and clearly interested. I could have got to know you better, dated you. I just didn’t see the point in it. It would have been unfair to you.”

Kenma watched Yuuji’s face turn to a questioning one. “Why would it have been unfair? Please tell me I haven’t been shamelessly hitting on you and you are already with someone? Oh my god, I am so sorry.” Kenma laughed then. 

“No, it’s fine. I am single, I swear. It just would have been unfair because I have feelings for someone else. I could have dated you, like I said, and the feelings I have maybe would have gone away with time. I also probably wouldn’t be sitting here feeling exhausted by the constant thinking I have been doing over that person, and what they want, if I had dated you. But things didn’t work out that way.” 

Kenma took a drink of the iced coffee Yuuji had bought him, trying to gather his thoughts a little better.

“Well, that sucks for me. I really do like you, but I will back off. I wish you would have told me sooner. I am sorry. Do you want to tell me about them?” Kenma was wondering the same thing. Did he want to tell Yuuji about Kuroo? Probably not. He wasn’t an over sharer, but he also felt like he needed to.

“Are you sure you want to hear about me being hopelessly in love with someone else?” Kenma watched Yuuji take a sip of his drink, nodding. “Sure. I’m fine. Don’t hold back on my account.” He winked at Kenma then, and Kenma felt even more stupid for not giving him a chance. His heart wouldn’t allow it, though.

“Okay, just remember you asked.” Kenma took a quick drink, then leaning back in his chair. He pushed his hair back from his face, hating that Yuuji had been right about his nervous habit. 

“He was my best friend. I mean I guess he still is, really. We started dating my second year of high school and dated through my first year of college. We broke up. The why isn’t exactly important, not anymore, but it was rough. We had been friends long before we ever fell for each other, so the break up was hard. I cut him out of my life... I- I didn’t want to, but I had to. I was hurt and angry.” He shoved his hand through his hair, clenching the strands tightly. “I was so angry at him for so long until I just wasn’t anymore. It was exhausting. So, I ran into him and we started making amends.”

Yuuji leaned forward on the table, crossing his arms. “Does he know you still love him, or are you fine with just making amends and being friends? Is that what you want, Kenma?”

“He knows. He still feels the same way to, but he’s so caught up in his head about everything that happened... He’s just so unsure of himself; which is hard to watch, really, because that isn’t the kind of person he is.” Kenma hummed, thinking. “Honestly, he’s a little like you. Not in appearance, but personality wise. That was another reason why I wouldn’t  date you. It was like I was staring at another version of Kuroo and at first, I hated you for it. I know that isn’t fair, but I couldn’t help it. You would go so out of your way to talk to me, include me in things, always smiling and calling me sunshine, or whatever name crossed your mind any given day. It was hell at first, and then it just made me miss him.”

Kenma looked at Yuuji, smiling small and feeling the nervousness leave him. 

“So, he can call you sunshine but I can’t, huh?” Yuuji laughed lightly, Kenma knew he was teasing and that he wasn’t really bothered by any of this. Bummed, maybe. But he wasn’t hurt or angry. Yuuji was a good person. 

“Actually, he doesn’t call me sunshine, or anything that remotely means sunny. He has his own  pet name that annoys me just as much as yours do.” Kenma stirred his drink before taking another long sip. It was really good.

“Can I know what it is?” Yuuji asked, brow cocked and looking as curious as ever. 

Sighing, Kenma gave in. “Fine... He calls me Kitten. We played volleyball and we were the  Nekoma Cats. He says something about my eyes, the way I stare like I am picking apart someone, reminds him of a cat.” Yuuji laughed, but not teasingly. “Holy shit, he’s right! I’ve never thought about it that way, though. You do have an intense stare and your eyes are captivating. I get it.” Kenma smiled, mumbling a small “Thank you.” 

“So, what’s the issue? You both feel the same. Was it really so bad that neither of you can move past it and get back together?”

Kenma dropped his smile, turning serious again and thinking. “It’s not that. I told him last Friday that we should just go slow, see what happens. He was upset, my friend had taken one too many stabs at him about the past shit that happened and Kuroo just... He gets in his head about it all. He thinks he screwed up badly enough that he doesn’t deserve to date me, much less be my friend anymore. I’ve tried to fix that, so have other people, but It's hard to fix it when he has been telling himself this for so long that he actually believes it. He won’t make any sort of move, and if he does have a momentary slip, he freaks out and bolts.”

Yuuji’s brows rose at that. “Wait... He actually leaves? Seriously?” Kenma nodded, “He did twice the first day we ran into each other. He hasn’t since then, though. I just don’t know what it’s going to take to make him stop worrying and just move pass this shit. One minute, we are on the same page. The next, he’s scared to even be alone with me. It’s driving me crazy. It’s getting more and more frustrating just being friends. I don’t want to be just friends. Been there, done that... Boyfriends was so much better.” Kenma threw his head back groaning as Yuuji laughed at him. 

“You’ve got it so bad, Kenma. It’s cute, really. But no one says that you have to wait for him. Just take charge. I’ve seen you get your way more than once in class. Hell, you’ve even put me in my place before. Just let that side of Kenma out, and bam, no longer just friends.” Kenma fixed him with a stare.

“It’s not that easy, Yuuji.” He watched as Yuuji met his eyes with his own intimidating look. “Yes, Kenma, it is. You both are making this so much harder than it should be. Just push him up against the wall, and lay one on him.” Kenma laughed.

“Why do I feel like that is something you would do?” Yuuji smiled his biggest at Kenma.

“Because it is. I just didn’t do that to you, because I kind of had a suspicion that you would kick my ass.” Kenma placed his face in his hand, smiling, looking positively evil. “I probably would have.” They both laughed then. 

Their conversation drifted to other things, Kenma glad he came and talked to Yuuji. He was quickly deciding that he wanted him as a friend. Conversations and interactions with Yuuji just came so easily. It was refreshing and something Kenma valued. 

They both stood up finally, pushing their chairs in and exiting the shop as they threw their trash away. Once outside, they stopped, Yuuji looked down at Kenma smiling. “So, regret it?” Kenma eyed him, trying not to laugh. “No, Yuuji. I think I will take you up on your offer as friends, and we can do stuff like this again.” 

He watched Yuuji’s smile grow, ”I am so down! Maybe next time you will have some juicy details to give me, though. I’m telling you, assert dominance, shove him against that wall and just take the lead.” Kenma stared, eyes widening. “Even if I did do that, I wouldn‘t tell you.” Kenma stepped forward, wrapping the taller man in a hug. He felt Yuuji still, then hug him back. “Thank you, seriously. You could have been an asshole after all the times I shot you down, but you have never once stopped being nice to me. You’re a good person, Yuuji. I look forward to being your friend.” 

Kenma let him go and was met with a smile. “Anytime, Kenma. If you ever change your mind, even though I doubt you will, all those dates are still on the table. I will see you next week in class. If you need me, though, you got my number.” He smiled sweetly, leaving Kenma to his thoughts. Yes, he could have dated Yuuji, could have moved on and would probably have less of a headache and pain in his chest. Yuuji was a good person, but he wasn’t Kuroo. And Kenma was tired of not having Kuroo in the way he wanted him. He made his way home, thinking too hard on kissing Kuroo as he pushed him into the wall. Kenma decided he maybe hated Yuuji again after planting that picture in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the idea to add Terushima in this because of a fic that I am absolutely in love with. The writing is incredible and I loved how the writer displayed the friendship between Kenma and Yuuji. It was adorable and sweet to a point it almost made me want Kenma with Yuuji instead of Kuroo. Lol. Which is crazy for me because I am fully invested in KuroKen! 
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the story thus far, and this chapter. If you would like to read the fic I am referring to that inspired this chapter... Please go read it! 
> 
> Name is: Tiger's Eye and it is by revel_ry
> 
> Again, beautiful story and I am obsessed with it! Go check it out! :)


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